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Water Closet: The Forbidden Chamber (PC) review"The moral of Water Closet must be: even if it seems repulsive at first, pissing and pooping in public is fun. Personally, I prefer to be regarded with reverence and admiration instead of shame and repulsion. That probably means I'm not in the game's target audience. Would you care to play?" |
Have you grown tired of raping women? Does virginal debauchery no longer sit well with your soul?
If so, then Water Closet: The Forbidden Chamber just may be the hentai game for you! In Water Closet, you play the role of the helpless female — all five of them — so you won't have to worry about walking that long road to Hell. On the other hand, you will get raped and debauched. That's not the kind of experience that makes me shout "MUST-PLAY GAME!" from atop a mountain, but at least it doesn't increase my spiritual evil meter like RapeLay or Tsuki.
But before I make this game actually sound marginally acceptable, I should probably warn you about...
JESUS CHRIST, THERE ARE LUMPS OF CRAP COMING OUT OF HER
(And the camera's caught them in flight.)
As explained by the game's resident toilet expert, a swarthy chap named W.C. Nicholson, Water Closet is not about bathrooms. In Japan, bathrooms are for taking baths. The water closet is where you go to pee and poop. In other words, Water Closet is about what you and I would call... bathrooms.
The developer expects your penis to be throbbing right now. If it's not, then you should probably find some other game to play. Unlike me, you actually have a choice in the matter. If you don't have a penis, then please, for the love of God, stop reading right now.
Let's discuss choices for a moment.
In most hentai games, the basic flow is a series of still pictures (some games interject an occasional video clip) and you get to make sporadic decisions that affect the storyline. Some developers have mastered the art and created gems that deal with human relationships and sexuality in a mature, insightful manner. Other developers have created illogical messes where players' selections don't lead to any sensible outcome.
I will now tell you about the choices I experienced during my first playthrough of Water Closet.
Upon starting the game, I was provided five characters to choose from. That was my first choice. I selected the one on the right, a studious sort with large glasses, and discovered that her nickname is "Toilet". Hmm. The music was upbeat and catchy, but the text was small and thin. It was also justified, which occasionally led to weird spacing issues like "Th ank y o u."
My visual acuity paid off big-time, because I was treated to an amazing story the likes of which I hope I'll never read again. It starts at school. Toilet was taking a practice test, much like the PSAT, which means Toilet is either under age 18 (although the game cleverly masks her age by listing it as "NO COMMENT!") or she's mentally deficient. After daydreaming for a bit, Toilet realized that she needed to use the toilet. Pardon me: the water closet. Toilet's next few minutes (as well as mine) were spent on an internal monologue about whether or not it would be appropriate to go to the bathroom water closet during a test.
When it comes to excitement, Snatcher's gunfights and decapitations don't even compare!
Once Toilet finally made up her mind and went to the water closet (as I suspected was bound to happen), she overheard a boy and girl having sex in the men's room through the wall behind her. Then she overheard a girl and girl getting it on in the stall next to her. Toilet was SHOCKED by this indecent behavior. She was masturbating as all of this happened, but nevertheless, she was SHOCKED and APPALLED.
The sex-talk was so shocking and appalling that the game actually bleeped out the dialogue, even though the word "clitoris" was clearly written out and Toilet's pubic hair and vagina of unknown age were prominently displayed onscreen.
Up to this point, I had not been afforded a single choice. The decisions of "do I go to the water closet or not?" and "should I shove seven tampons up my womanhood to simulate a cock-like sensation?" were beyond my control. But something exciting was about to happen.
Toilet remembered that she wasn't supposed to be masturbating — she was supposed to be taking a test. So she quickly stopped diddling and started removing the tampons, only to discover that some of them were lost inside her. She panicked. She dug and dug, and got another one out, but then despaired as she realized that some of them were lost forever. I prepared myself for an exciting decision. As Toilet cried out in shame, I knew the adventure was just beginning.
And then the game ended.
. . . . .
WHAT THE FUCK?
. . . . .
As it turns out, you need to play through each girl's scenario several times to unlock "decision points" in other scenarios. Toilet never gets to finish taking her test, but eventually she does learn the secret ability of "using a sanitary napkin instead of tampons". That option has the benefit of not causing tampons to get lost inside her vagina. The downside is that a boy walks into the restroom and forces Toilet to give him a blowjob. Damn those sanitary napkins! Surely she should have known that cleaning up after herself would lead to being raped, right?
Logic is not Water Closet's strong point. The game's strong point would be "promoting public urination".
One girl peed her pants in a concert hall that seats 4856 people. The game is very specific about that number. She was embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed. To cure her, W.C. Nicholson strips her naked and makes her urinate in a public park. And she learns to like it.
If you tell the poor girl to run away from that fate, then W.C. Nicholson strips her naked and ties her to a public urinal, at which point she is pissed upon and raped. And she learns to like it.
Another lady gets stuck on the elevator, but she really needs to pee. W.C. Nicholson pries open the elevator doors with his bare hands, strips the lady, then climbs out through the top of the elevator. The woman, unable to contain herself any longer, collapses on the ground and starts pissing... just as the elevator doors open, revealing her to a throng of college students. And she likes it. And the men like it, too — they like it so much that they all have sex with her.
That's the good ending. I know it's the good ending because there was happy music. In the bad ending, which is marked by ominous scary music, the woman takes a crap in her own restroom in her own apartment, which causes her daughter to never speak to her again (???)
The moral of Water Closet must be: even if it seems repulsive at first, pissing and pooping in public is fun. Personally, I prefer to be regarded with respect and admiration instead of shame and repulsion. That probably means I'm not in the game's target audience. Would you care to play?
//Zig
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Staff review by Zigfried (March 05, 2009)
Zigfried likes writing about whales and angry seamen, and often does so at the local pub. |
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