Pong (Arcade) review

honestgamer posted December 31, 1969:

Boo.

honestgamer posted April 06, 2008:

The standards regarding game listings have changed, but you should still use this form to request any new listings. You can use this thread to request additions to the HonestGamers database. Provide the following info:

- Game Title
- System(s) under which the listing should be added
- Link to listing or coverage of game on another site (for verification)

Don't bother providing any other information. I'll research and add additional information myself, as appropriate. Once a decision and/or listing has been made, I will generally modify your original post so that you know to look for it.

When requesting listings, please keep the following in mind:

* The database already contains thousands upon thousands of game listings. The best way to see if a listing already exists is to start by clicking the system, then browse alphabetically. The search box often works, but games with very short words in their title will in some cases not show.

* Mods and expansion packs will only rarely be added, and only if you will be immediately contributing a high-quality review. Otherwise, you may be better off covering them on your blog. We also don't maintain separate listings for Virtual Console and Nintendo Switch Online titles, or similar.

* HonestGamers does not cover games released exclusively in regions other than North America, Europe, and Japan.

HonestGamers listings are added routinely, even without requests using this thread, but for the most part I am working on older system libraries first and moving forward toward the present. Thanks for your assistance as I work to ensure that the site includes listings for the games that fall within our intended areas of coverage. We don't have the resources to cover everything, but I hope to be thorough when it comes to those systems that we do cover.

EmP posted April 06, 2008:

# is for 7 Sins

A is for Ark of Time & Art of Fighting Anthology & Agatha Christie: And Then There Were None & Ankh: Curse of the Scarab King & Alisia Dragoon

B is for Brian Lara International Cricket 2007 & Bomberman Land Touch! 2 & Bomberman Land & Boing! Docomodake

C is for Crazy Pig

D is for Dracula: Origin & Dream Pinball 3D & Doom 3 & Doodle Hex

E is for Everquest II: Rise of Kunark & The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

F is for: Final Fantasy Tactics & Fantasy Wars & Football Director DS

G is for Guilty Gear XX: Accent Core

H is for Hurry Up Hedgehog

I is for: Indigo Prophecy

J is for Jewel Quest: Expeditions

K is for Kolibri

L is for Lord of the Rings: The Third Age

M is for Mass Effect & Monster Madness & Mah Jong Quest: Expeditions

N is for: No More Heroes & Nightmare Circus

O is for Operation Thunderbolt

P is for Prism: Light the Way & Political Machine 2008, The & PDC Darts 2008 (360) & PDC Darts 2008 (PSP) & Pony Luv

Q is for Quake III: Arena

R is for R-Type III & Revolution X

S is for Sam & Max 202 & 203 & 204 & 205 & Shadowgrounds: Survivor & Splatterhouse & Secret Files: Tunguska, The & SNK Arcade Classics Vol. 1

T is for Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter & Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2

U is for Utawarerumono

V is for Virtua Fighter CG Portrait Series Vol. 1: Sarah Bryant

W is for World Snooker Championship: Season 2007-08 & Wow

X is for X COM: Terror from the Deep

Y is for Ys Strategy

Z is for Zoom!

wolfqueen001 posted April 06, 2008:

Eh. May as well.

# = 3D Battles of World Runner
A = Ai Sensei no Oshiete - Watashi no Hoshi
B = Bad Dudes
C = Crystalis
D = Digimon World
E = Earthworm Jim
F = Fire 'N Ice
G = The Getaway
H = .hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
I = Incredible Crash Test Dummies
J = Just Breed
K = Kingdom Hearts
L = Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
M = Metal Gear Solid
Q = Q*bert
R = Resident Evil 4 & Rainbow Islands
S = Sam & Max: Abe Lincoln Must Die
T = Twinkle Tale
V = Virtua Fighter CG Portrait Series Vol. 9: Kage Maru
W = Worms Armageddon
X = X-Men: Mutant Academy
Y = Ys

zanzard posted April 06, 2008:

(No links. I'm lazy and stupid. Use the site search function.)

B= Barkley: Shut up and Jam, Gaiden.
G= Growl.
I= Icewind Dale.
M= Miracle Warriors.
P= Phantasy Star Gaiden.
S= Star Control 3.
T= Third World War.
U= Ultima: Martian Dreams.
X= X-COM Apocalypse.
W= Warning Forever.

asherdeus posted April 06, 2008:

D - Democracy (PC), Democracy 2 (PC)
F - Full Auto 2 (PS3)
G - Gemsweeper (PC), Grand Theft Auto IV
H - Half-Life 2: Episode Two (PC)
L - Lost: Via Domus (PC)
M - Max Payne (PC), Medal of Honor: Airborne (PC), MLB 2K8
S - SimCity Societies (PC), Soldier of Fortune: Payback (PC)
T - TimeShift (PC)
Z - Zoo Tycoon 2 (DS), Zoo Tycoon 2 (PC)

I won't link since they're posted on Thunderbolt and I don't want to seem like I'm spamming.

shotgunnova posted April 08, 2008:

As we all know, this is the locale where all the cool cat FAQers hang out and post about their current labors of love. The few, the proud, the FAQers!

Anyway, Lunar 2 Eternal Blue for me...maps n' stuff. /brevity

Felix_Arabia posted April 09, 2008:

I want to judge.

Genj posted April 10, 2008:

I shall throw my head into the ring.

bluberry posted April 10, 2008:

I'll be pretty PO'ed if this doesn't go well.

ImmumpJep posted April 12, 2008:

Âñåì ïðèâåòèê!
�îäñêàæèòå äåâóøêå êàê ñäåëàòü ÷òîáû è ó ìåíÿ êàðòèíêà ñáîêó!
Çàðàíåå ñïàñèáîíüêè!

bigcj34 posted April 14, 2008:

My services will enter this competition. I have never given a game below a 4 and I have only ever given 2 games a 10, Half-Life 2 and Tetris. As HL2 is already on this site, I have a Tetris review from eons ago that I think I'll revamp.

Or should I shun Mario Galaxy to the uber extreme?

As for you Zanzard, I don't want to sound like a snide critic, but do request some feedback.

EmP posted April 18, 2008:

IN THIS TOPIC: We make fun of ourselves. I have decided to do so via my second most viewed review that is commonly employed as a cure for insomnia and Genj personal favourite.

Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis.

The attraction of the Jurassic Park franchise has always lain in the dinosaurs.

Gee, thanks, EmP. The attraction of a franchise based around giant flesh-eating lizards is said lizards. That needed clarifying

Let's face it: we all got caught in the hype; the possibility of one of them chewing someone's face off is just to irresistable to pass up. So is the potential to make oodles of cash off it, it seems; Jurassic Park is guilty of squeezing every last possible penny out of its popularity, appearing in literature, the silver screen and, yes, video games.

This is what we call a ramble intro. If I was trying to make a point, I've lost the hell out of it somewhere. There's also two typos in there that have eluded me all these years. Insolence! I think I'm trying to be funny and suggest that JP is evil for wanting to make money from its popularity. Fight da power! And what the hell is with the last sentence? I sound like I'm smoking a pipe and wearing tweed while typing it. "and, yes, video games, Darcy?" Urgh.

Upon hearing about this title on its launch date, I got quite excited about the prospect of a Jurassic Park game that might actually not suck - a lofty aspiration indeed, given the series' past.

So, after just saying that JP is evil for releasing so much, I then go on to say that I wanted them to bring out more stuff before changing my stance before the sentence is even completed.

Shortly afterwards, I forgot all about my initial excitement until I recently had the chance to stealthily 'borrow' the game from a friend, who is probably cursing my name at this very moment.

Nothing says creditability more than "I stole this game and therefore played it illegally". For the record, I did eventually return the game.

Thankfully, forgotten are the earlier attempts which have Jurassic Park as a shoot-the-nasty-dinosaurs snorefest. Instead you're presented with a simulation which gives you the chance to build and run your own park full of dinosaurs. While the game lasts, it's an intriguing and worthwhile task.

See, this right here should have been the into., No attack-the-popular-franchise rubbish, no tales of my stealth thief skills. Could I be any more dull about it, though?

The game manages to feel familiar to other park-building sims, yet at the same time is different enough to be a little more engaging. The standard sim fare is present: build your park with adequate paths, eateries, toilets, and attractions to pull in the public. The difference is that your attractions are huge, extinct lizards.

The answer, then, is yes.

You start with your island of choice, complete with everything any self-respecting exotic park location would come with: trees, mountain ranges, rivers, and so on.

If you ever need to start a zoo containing ten-ton monsters that view you as snacked sized, just grab some trees.

It is your task to turn this rather ordinary-looking slab of land into the most successful theme park in the world. You start with the bare minimum, including basic conveniences such as toilets and food stands, pavement, basic security measures such as dinosaur enclosure fencing, and two dinosaur species ready to produce. All this is well and good, but you need to do three things to ensure the growth of your park: make money, research better accommodations, and produce more dinosaurs to keep the crowds happy. It's not as easy as it sounds, as the crowd consists of a variety of people looking for different things to enjoy at your park, be it excitement or an authentic slice of prehistoric life.

Like you were there, isn't it?

Luckily, you are not alone in your duties -- you have the original Jurassic Park cast at your side as staff. You send Dr. Grant away on palaeontology digs to find new strains of dinosaur DNA so you can breed new species. Also returning is Dr. Wu, who oversees all your research needs, such as the extraction of the dino DNA and research into park-beneficial projects, such as stronger dinosaur containment fencing, vaccines for various dinosaur diseases, and attractions for your park (e.g. balloon rides and safari jeep tours). To ensure the list of returning faces is complete, you'll also gain Dr. Sattler for any veterinary needs that may arise and even have Muldon is on hand as head ranger. All the familiar faces are present in game, which is meaningles dribble for those new to Jurassic Park, but a nice little touch for those already familiar with the franchise.

Luckily, you are not alone -- you have the original Jurassic Park cast at your side. And now, I'll list every single one of them for no reason whatsoever! Then make fun of the people who already know all this despite clearly knowing it all myself! Plus, typo and space error!

Explore the research and development stages and you'll find you have two different sets of research labs set up, which function independently of each other.

Why do I sound like a D- grade paper?

The first allows you to research the various attractions, vaccines, and so on. (You can research a lot of things, actually; it will take you quite a while to exhaust your options on this one.)

Full stop then bracket. Clever.

You have to be clever with your choices here, as each project is equally important.

No they're bloody not! Some things are clearly more important than others. Why do I tell such a dumb lie?

Vaccines are obviously a priority to prevent your attractions from picking up various illnesses, but you need to make money to fund your park, so the rides are vital for squeezing more money from your visitors. Just as vital is upgrading the strength of your dinosaur-holding fences, bulking up your security, looking into a visitor holding centre for your guests should an emergency break loose, updating your various methods of extracting DNA and hatching your assorted beasts, and so on. Keep in mind that all this still costs money, so ensure that the cash keeps rolling in.

Why only offer the most relevant examples when the full sodding list is readily available?

You'll never read this far in the actual review, and nor can I.

EmP posted April 19, 2008:

Stupid X-Com and its awsomeness that makes people want to read about it..

Felix once deleted my X-Com review. Out of spite.

EmP posted April 19, 2008:

6424 readers (and rising) beg to differ.

You're a twisted, bitter man. We only keep you around because you make me look friendly in comparison.

Felix_Arabia posted April 19, 2008:

Please add the following for the TurboGrafx-16:

Valkyrie no Densetsu
Volfied
Wai Wai Mahjong
Wallaby!!
Winning Shot
World Jockey
World Stadium Baseball
World Stadium Baseball ‘91
Youkai Douchuuki
YouYouJinsei
Xevious: Fardraut Saga
Zero 4 Champ
Zipang

I’ll add cover art and screens. Thanks.

Felix_Arabia posted April 20, 2008:

We're still here . . . =T

wolfqueen001 posted April 21, 2008:

Everyone'll probably do last minute subs... like they always do. Including myself.

Anyway, here you go, zanzard. It's really, really long... but I hope you read through it all the way. I really wouldn't have wanted to waste two hours of my time only to be ignored.

EmP posted April 21, 2008:

I will also enter. Perhaps.

BELISARIOS posted April 23, 2008:

I forgot I was in this!

darkstarripclaw posted May 01, 2008:

Aaaand, work is progressing...

darketernal posted May 03, 2008:

One Must Fall

[EmP with the hyperlink save!]

There you go.

Halon posted May 03, 2008:

If no one shows up for this OD will cry.

overdrive posted May 03, 2008:

Yes....tears of rage.

Followed by me taking out that rage on all those who did show up, by starting my scoring at 50 and dropping it quickly for any real and/or imaginary flaws.

Suskie posted May 03, 2008:

Gonna have to back out of this one, I'm afraid. The game I was planning to review for this competition (which I'll tell you right now is Deus Ex) I haven't finished yet, and it seems I won't be able to have a review up by tonight's deadline. With a few more days, maybe, but I think the limits of this competition (so few of the games I play are worthy of either a 1 or a 10) have made it more difficult to participate than I'd have liked.

Go ahead, Felix. Break out b0r0 again. I'd rather lose to him than be one of those people who chokes up some half-assed last-minute review to prevent the stigma of being a no show.

Genj posted May 03, 2008:

Well I better get started.

wolfqueen001 posted May 03, 2008:

Me, too. I've done all the editing I can do for now... Might try poking at it later, I don't know.

Just Breed

Halon posted May 03, 2008:

This tournament needs more 1/10 reviews. What a shame.

Felix_Arabia posted May 04, 2008:

Here are all the review unless I missed one, which I didn't.

Booberry - PO’ed
Dark Eternal - One Must Fall
EmP - Utawarerumono
Genjuro - Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
Sports - Metroid
Wolfqueen001 - Just Breed
Zanzard - My Hero

Genj posted May 04, 2008:

I just hope draqq doesn't disappear/hasn't forgotten causing us to wait a month before the results are posted much like a certain comic contest.

Genj posted May 04, 2008:

That's good to know. I only said it becauseof how annoying it is when there are delays from no shows and draqq's appearance seemed kinda random. So NO OFFENSE DRAQQ.

Felix_Arabia posted May 05, 2008:

Poor LH found himself in a situation where he couldn't exactly give out judgments.

If you want to talk about purely useless judges, one only needs to mention Korubi and Destinati0n. They're bad reviewers, too.

darkstarripclaw posted May 06, 2008:

Decent chunk of work done. 1/3rd done the walkthrough.

overdrive posted May 07, 2008:

Currently muddling through at 5/7 done. Which means my judging will either be done today or tomorrow at the latest! Have to give my brain a bit of a break. Partied a bit too much yesterday and it hurts to think too much today.

Felix_Arabia posted May 08, 2008:

Draqq or 3 more days, whichever comes first.

(Though it's safe to say that Draqq probably forgot since he hasn't given any indication that he was still judging despite four days already passing since the deadline.)

draqq_zyxx posted May 09, 2008:

It's true. I totally forgot. But luck is on my side for bringing me here at midnight.

So what I'll do is DO IT NOW. **** sleep.

Edit (4:03 AM): Judgments have gone overdrive.

overdrive posted May 09, 2008:

Booberry:

FELIX —  When I read the bit about the interstellar chef marooned aboard an alien-infested spaceship, I immediately imagined Steven Segal starring in this game. Good work. Then I thought back to the part where Booberry explains how lying is fun. Hm, I thought to myself. Can I trust him when he tells me that we vicariously exist through an interstellar chef who says, “I’ve got a frying pan to protect me. Look at my soufflé… flattened by a walking butt. I’m not angry. I’m PO’ed.� This immediately made me think of GUTS’ awesome Test of Fire review (it may not be a real game, but it should be, damn it). And then I wasn’t sure what to think when I did some research and found out that Booberry hadn’t made up any of these shenanigans. Not only is this game real, but you do play as a sassy saucier. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! With the content given here, this review is hilarious. There were some great lines and some good descriptions and a lot of really great humor. I’m taking off three points, though, because now I will never get to see that 10/10 PO’ed review that TELLS THE TRUTH. SCORE: 97

OD —  You start out by taking a jab at EmP, which is absolute MONEY in my book! Felix took my Steven Seagal comment away from me, which makes me sad. The concept of a chef fighting aliens, as portrayed by you in the early paragraphs, just seems to be one of those hilariously over-the-top "WTF WERE THEY THINKING?!?!?!" game concepts. It took awhile to get into the review (while amusing, the intro parts did go on a bit long — I don't know that the "Let's be clear: I wanted to like this game" part was remotely necessary, as it was like four paragraphs into the review and you still haven't gotten to making any real point. However, when you do, this review is pure gold. I mean, this was just one of those surreal reviews that has me laughing and then I stop and think to myself with no small amount of shock, "Holy shit! Someone actually put this thing on the market! Dude....." While it took you longer to get started with the good stuff than I'd like, I have to say that as far as the bash element of this competition goes, a good chunk of your review perfectly meshes with what I had in mind. SCORE: 91

DRAQQ — I think the review would have been better if it didn't state the reasons why the review was written the way it was - that it was written in compliance with the rules of the contest. It makes the "1/10" seem forced, even despite the fact that PO'ed is quite the up-the-disc-hole kind of game. With that in mind, the introduction could have been condensed, though the backstory is light and entertaining. Only a few mechanical issues like a missing quotation mark at the end of the, err..., quotation and the need of a semicolon in "Textures aren't the new black, black is the new textures!" Overall, it's a convincing piece that could have been made convincing if it had been stronger in telling me what genre this game is (the reference to Doom makes it sound like a first-person shooter, but all the jumping makes it seems like a platformer), giving a discrete description on how disappointing the jetpack is (instead of saying the interpretations "differ"), and really honing in on the fact that enemies are freakin' buttmen. But for actually having to sit through PO'ed, I think you deserve more than a penny. SCORE: 81

Dark Eternal:

FELIX — So reviewers once held a meeting in the seventh circle of hell, huh? Was I there? Once we get past that atypical introduction, the review goes into detail on a fighting game. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’m not a fighting game fan, nor am I a fan of reading about fighting games. This review goes into risky territory due to its genre and because it dishes out a perfect score. A lot of the description, such as the modes and the combat, didn’t really appeal to me despite the claims DE made about this being wheat among chaff for PC-exclusive fighters. I can see that he likes the game; his writing just didn’t convince me that I had to play this or that it deserved the high score it received. Sounds like a decent game and the review does cover all of its bases, but I wasn’t gripped by what was said. SCORE: 70

OD — The main thing I have to say about this review is that it didn't really convince me of the game's awesomeness in any way, shape or form. Now, sure, it does seem like a cool game and you did it justice in writing about it, especially in mentioning things like the various styles of play and how the various characters have their own strengths and weaknesses (and, sure, those things are part of most quality games in the genre, but the way you wrote about them made them seem a bit more vivid and important to me), but when I was finished with this review, I just had the impression that you wrote an "8" or so review and just tossed a "10" on it. Especially when you come right out and say the reason you gave it a "10" has more to do with how it's a good game on a platform without many good games, as opposed to simply being a great game that's transcendent in its genre. Well-written, but not convincing. SCORE: 73

DRAQQ — First, a misplaced modifier: is it the meeting that is without violent people or is it Hell? Second, please use commas; that second sentence just about crushed my mind with its unbroken totality (and the verb it needs is "would mean" not "meant"). Now that that's out of the way, I must bring attention to the style of the review, which drifts between formal writing and fiction-esque descriptive writing, and as a result, just looks like it's trying too hard. Also, if you're trying to convince us that this is worthy of a 10, focus on the positives and cut out (or hide) the parts of the game that sound boring. Does I really need to know the specifics of how each robot and each pilot differ, or that there is a training mode? Ultimately, I'm not convinced the game deserves a 10, because the writing doesn't make it sound like a 10. Words have expression, and this review needed to express excitement and a sense that if I don't play this game, I should be maimed, skewed, and sent to whatever hell Paris Hilton's dog came from. SCORE: 60

EmP:

FELIX —  Initially I was very confused by this review, not because it was hard to follow, but rather because its angle is very story-laden and I felt that a lot of the more mechanical aspects of the game weren’t being covered. This score hasn’t changed much from the original, but now I can at least say after a bit of research that this review covers a few aspects in a subtle manner. Nowhere will you see EmP declare that any specific segment presented here is a battle, but he does indeed describe at least some of them. It’s obvious that Utawarerumono has a very interesting and complex story. Still, if I were the type of reader who came into this review without any previous knowledge on the game (and that description fits me), I would still be confused about the lack of explicit gameplay discussion. After speaking with EmP about this, I now know that it’s more implicitly described. But as an effective review that should both informative and interesting, I can only say it’s interesting. EmP does a pretty darn good job making the story sound really cool. He sacrifices description on the other aspects, though, as a result. It’s still an interesting experiment and I would personally like to see more people try to write dynamic reviews that are both interesting and informative. It’s a tough thing to pull off, though, as evidenced here. SCORE: 65

OD — This seems to be of the same ilk of a review as Zig's Emerald Dragon, where gameplay elements take a definite back-burner to vivid descriptions of the story. I know I've tried doing this sort of thing before and it's not as easy to pull off as I had thought it would be when I started. This review kind of reiterates that in that I can see what you're saying and can understand why you like the game, but I don't know that came away from this review looking at this game as some amazing turn-based strategy game. I can think of lots of similar games that have strong characters such as conflicted villains and more heroic types with "depth" to their personality. Still, you did a strong job of portraying the characters and plot. But, like Felix mentioned, I'd like a bit more understanding of the gameplay and battle system; with TBS games, that can be the difference between greatness and just being there. And, really, other than mentioning the battles are "frantic and full of meaning" (which is a bit vague to me), I didn't get any real insight on much of anything besides the plot and characters. Good review, but one that left me feeling a bit empty and wanting more knowledge about the game. SCORE: 77

DRAQQ: This review essentially makes the same mistake I made with my review for Ocarina of Time - it focuses so heavily on the story that it reads solely as fiction. However, I feel that a story-driven review has the potential to be a review (and if one can be pulled off, the game it's for probably deserves the 10), and that this would have been more successful if it was able to describe how the game's battles worked (without, of course, explicitly stating the mechanics of it all). But the main point for this type of review is to showcase the story, which is the main reason for picking this game up - and on that, it largely succeeds. Though it teeters so often on the edge of too much information that a spoiler alert might have been necessary, I'm drawn to the characters and that's hard to achieve. Some better sentence structures, however, would have helped: "man leaves his bed quicker than his injuries should allow" is a tad awkward; knowing that Nuwangi is a "tax collector" earlier in the paragraph and that Mutikapa is the "odd monkey" earlier would have made things clearer in the first pass; and what do you mean by "stop the villagers from righting the wrongs committed"? Still, I'm left with a feeling that I need to know about how the game works, particularly since it's a strategy title that isn't all about the narratology. SCORE: 72

Genjuro:

FELIX —  Holy crap, now here’s a review with a score attached to it that doesn’t feel like a stretch. Genjuro didn’t win RotW with this piece for no reason, folks. The game sounds like crap and Genjuro goes beyond just explaining why by injecting some pretty good descriptions and bits of humor all throughout. The paragraph on the levels was my favorite, and I also loved how he poked fun at Sony. This piece made me snicker, the subject matter was interesting and refreshing, the writing was informative, and I never questioned the author’s honesty. That makes for a pretty solid review in my mind. SCORE: 90

OD: You know, "handle like a limping sack of decayed flesh" just might have been the single best line of this competition. Definitely the sort of thing I was looking for in a bash review. You don't waste any time ripping into this game and you show no mercy in skewering it. As an amusing sidenote, of the first four reviews I've read for this, both yours and DE's include reference to one of the Circles of Hell. Weird. Probably the thing I liked most about this review was how few words you needed to emphatically denounce this game. In one paragraph (the fourth), you were able to say all that needed to be said about the dull, repetitive gameplay (including a humorous comment on reusing sprites). And the incredible thing was that you mentioned four different levels and how they tie into the dullness and repetitiveness without even coming close to being cumbersome in your writing. That was just a great example of how good, concise writing can enhance the point you're trying to make. Very fun and entertaining review. SCORE: 95

DRAQQ: Some out-of-the-ordinary mistakes: not "Robert Di Nero", but "Robert De Niro"; not "wolfs", but "wolves". For better or worse, this review takes a very traditional approach in arguing that this game completely sucks. It goes through the motions of why the controls blow, why the stroy is completely baloney, and why the entire experience is as lumbering and laborious as Frankenstein himself. But I know you can take this to the next level, perhaps injecting more hostility and just plain rage at the total bullshit nonsense - I mean, your entire weapons arsenal is a freakin' piece of dead plant cells. Reading the review just makes me feel like, "Oh, okay, it's a crappy game" instead of "Being an electricity-wielding freak of nature from a legendary novel shouldn't suck this much". SCORE: 79

Sportsman:

FELIX — Sportsman proves this fortuneteller wrong by coming out of nowhere and subbing a 1/10 review for Metroid. I could have sworn that he had one posted here already. That makes me wrong on two accounts. This must be a re-written or at least refurbished piece. And judging by the way things are presented here, I’m guessing that this review contains a good amount of ‘original’ writing because I thought this review’s message was conveyed unconvincingly in parts. So Metroid’s a game that tortures the player yet is really addictive to play, hm? There’s a boss fight that ‘isn’t as fun as it looks’ yet there isn’t any real description on what we’re fighting or who we’re even fighting as. I didn’t see the name ‘Samus’ appear once. Nor did I see anything to indicate that this is a Metroid game besides 1) the title being used and 2) some images on the sidebar. The review, as a result, lacks informational character. I certainly can see that Sportsman has some issues with the game (filling up eight health tanks would piss me off, too), but I don’t feel that his delivery is very effective. A lot of the descriptions feel too vague, both when he describes ‘lousy mechanics’ and skimps on the meatier aspects of the game. I know Metroid is a very primitive game by today’s standards, but couldn’t there have been at least a little bit of imagery to describe portions of the writing that deal in the aforementioned boss battle, the ‘darker environment’, and the part where it’s written that, “There is still plenty to do and see . . .�? Unfortunately, reading about navigation through claustrophobic corridors without a map and filling up eight health packs from the start just doesn’t make for a convincing argument by itself. SCORE: 50

OD — You know, this is one of those critiques where I'm typing although I'm not really sure what I'll wind up saying. As someone who's written a somewhat negative review for this game, I see what you're saying and agree with virtually all of it. This is a game considered a legend. My best friend utterly loves this game and has gone so far as to recently say that if he was stranded on a desert island with any eight games (as well as the necessary systems, a TV and electricity), this would likely be one of them. But I just don't see it. When I first played it, I looked at it as a large game, but also a frustrating one. I didn't dislike it, but I didn't get into it like he did. And when I replayed to review it, my feelings had gotten more negative to where I disliked it, but didn't hate it. You're at that next step — where you actively hate the game. And you do a fine job of getting that point through by going off on how you have to slowly build up from 30/100 of one tank to up to eight full tanks when you restart a game and how, since there's no computer map, you have to make maps of a gazillion identical corridors. My main qualm, though, is that the whole section where you're describing a playthrough of the game from one region to the next just seems choppy and was hard to read in comparison to the intro and the concluding paragraphs. It just seemed like you were going from one part of the game to the next as quickly as possible and the result was some very jarring, abrupt transitions that were only connected by variations on "it gets worse". Still, a pretty good bash review that definitely got its point across. SCORE: 73

DRAQQ —  Second sentence: "The idea of fighting in an alien world while finding hidden items and secrets is a great one that has influenced countless classics, but Metroid is certainly not one of them." By the way the sentence is constructed, it sounds like Metroid wasn't influenced by the idea, when I think your point is that Metroid was influenced by it, but just completely fails to realize it. Other than that, it's important that you edit: your simple, straightforward, cut-to-the-point style is best when your words choices also cut to the point. Always look for places where you don't need phrases or where you can condense: "with the mechanics", "there were several instances", "in the matter of fact", the entire third paragraph, and the introduction of the first person. About three paragraphs in, the review shifts from a formal style to a first-person narrative style, and continues to shift back and forth between the two (as well as the second-person "you" in the penultimate paragraph) when only one is necessary. Keep the point of reference fluid throughout. Another place to edit comes from being confident that your examples already explains something clearly; your example of fighting lame enemies for a half an hour just for health already makes it sound like the game is unplayable. A glowing nega-review of a classic is (partially) buried somewhere here, waiting to come out. You're almost there. SCORE: 76

Wolfqueen:

FELIX — Wolfqueen continues her whirlwind tour of good NES games with an interesting piece on Just Breed. Considering that genre is usually very technical – and it’s easy to sound boring when describing the intricacies that go into the mechanics – I am glad to see that this piece tries its hardest to avoid that. As Jason pointed out in the RotW topic, some of the writing gets a little bogged down. But most of it is more pleasing to read since I could see that this game really had an effect on you. The amount of options presented, and the dynamism behind waging such successful skirmishes, clearly indicates to me that this is a pretty interesting game. I liked her Rainbow Islands piece used in Brevity or Bust III more than this one, but this certainly isn’t a bad review. It’s actually rather good. SCORE: 80

OD — I really have to get around to downloading this one and giving it a try. I'd thought about it once, but never got around to it (mainly because my old pre-software-upgrade NES emulator couldn't handle this game for some reason) and this review really makes me think I should rectify that. As a fan of turn-based strategy games, you really made this one seem like a special one. Now, one thing I have to say is that it took you a decent amount of time to get my attention. It seemed like for a good portion of the early stages of the review, you were gushing about standard TBS things (like how in your fifth and sixth paragraphs, you go into detail about strategically fighting enemies and conquering strongholds). But after that, you bring up some really interesting things, like how you can start or come back to levels from different places and the general-only battles. It just seemed like the more I read of this review, the more it picked up speed. Initially, I was somewhat skeptical it'd be anything more than a someone generic strategy game review, but by the end, I was halfway considering aborting my current projects to start this up. Those last few paragraphs just seem perfectly designed to really pump up a fan of this sort of game. SCORE: 86

DRAQQ — The first sentence gets to me: I think you mean that Japan gets the best of everything, not particularly Japanese people in general all over the world. In some places, the review tends to choose sentences that seem to come out of a fact sheet or a back-of-the-box quote: "Stride into battle against hordes of monsters, carefully maneuvering your units to minimize damage and maximize special abilities" and "Further test your mettle with mind-blowing general-only battles." These kind of sentences don't get me excited as much as I feel like I'm being hawked. However, I think this review does a stellar job in showing why you, as a strategy fanatic, love every morsel of this game to death. Winning the ever-challenging battle from such an extraordinary array of possibilities is the hallmark, and the description help in convincing me of that, though many times I felt that they were simply describing what makes strategy games addicting in general, rather than what makes Just Breed the best in its league. Another plus is that, aside from "but every questions has an answer", there were hardly any issues with your mechanics. Still, though I'm convinced about the 10/10, I don't think the review is attuned enough to the general gamer. It doesn't particularly get me excited, but it at least makes me wish I was as happy of a tactician as you are. SCORE: 84

Zanzard:

FELIX —  Zanzard returns with a vengeance and pens a review that is 2x better than that incoherent jumble he used in Brevity or Bust III. First and foremost, this review makes sense. Its message makes sense. The descriptions make sense. I can understand the author’s frustrations with the game (some of the observations, such as the amount of hits needed to tackle an end-of-stage boss, were interesting), and I didn’t feel clueless once I got the concluding one-lined paragraph. Some of the writing in this piece read like fluff, though. When saying that, “These thugs kill you with 1 punch,� is it then necessary to say, “GETTING TOUCHED ONCE BY ANY RANDOM HOODLUM KILLS YOU.�? Of course it isn’t. It’s redundant because it adds even more short paragraphs to the mix. With that said, this review, like his others, suffers from a lack of proper paragraphs. Short paragraphs that are very important or well-placed can be a marvelous thing for a review’s flow. Any short paragraphs that do that here lose that effect because the entire review is nothing but a bunch of one-to-three-lined paragraphs. Zanzard, please combine some of these into one paragraph. I am glad that random capitalization didn’t appear (except for the passage I used as an example here), and I am also glad that this review didn’t fabricate ‘statistics’ for the sake of being cute. I do wish for some tighter transitions, and I strongly believe that paragraph development can lead to that. Overall, while this wasn’t a review to write home about it, it was a huge improvement and I hope Zanzard continues to build on it. SCORE: 40

OD — Well, on the good side, you did a great job of making your point. This looks like one of those crap retro games that get reviewers like me all hard-as-a-rock to write a good scathing review of and you did a good job of that. Dying from frog spit, fighting the same boss after every level and other things you described about this game definitely painted a picture of a horrible game with little value beyond unintentional comedy. However, there were some things I didn't like about this. Your style of using a ton of really short paragraphs just seemed to make this one read really choppily. It was just tough to maintain my focus reading this because it was just this huge collection of three-line paragraphs. And it seemed that there was either a lot of repetition or poor organization for much of this review. When I got to the "Simply put, you'll die in this game. A lot." line, I was thinking that you could have easily condensed everything you'd said into a much smaller span of words. It seemed like you were repeatedly going back to things like the ineffectiveness of various moves and how it's easy to die for various reasons to the point where, if anything, it was detracting from the good parts of the review, as I felt like I was being deluged by the repetition. SCORE: 65

DRAQQ —  Where do I start? Unless you're writing for a print newspaper, there is little reason why every paragraph needs to be one or two sentences long. It makes your review look choppy and broken into pieces, as if nothing is connected to anything else. Look again at paragraphs three through five; they all can be combined together and be condensed to about half the size while maintaining the "you press start, you have girl, you lose girl, you beat people to save girl" point that you're trying to make. In fact, before I go any further, you can burn about 80% of the review and still get the same message across. Focus on convincing me that My Hero is an epic failure; any piece of information that doesn't have that purpose should be deleted. Apart from that, I give you a list of things not to do until you can use them in the right way: writing "&" instead of "and", using the phrase "you see" and "you know" and variants thereof, putting low numbers in written form, telling me manual information like "Button 1 does this" and "Button 2 does that", telling me something more than two times (or even just one time, unless the second time is for very well-executed emphasis).??Honestly, you should just stick to this outline if you ever rewrite this: "My Hero sucks. The kidnapped girl story is a cliche that sucks. Punch and high-kick suck because they are useless. The backgrounds are suck-ugly. That the main character has the constitution of powdered sugar sucks. Dying sucks. Dying repeatedly sucks even more. Realizing that you're an idiot for playing this is the suckiest. In conclusion, sucky-suck-suck-sucky-suck." SCORE: 37

Final Rankings
01) Booberry – 269
02) Genjuro – 264
03) Wolfqueen – 250
04) EmP – 214
05) Dark Eternal – 203
06) Sportsman – 199
07) Zanzard – 142

Anyone catch math errors, let me know. I can't handle numbers for crap, so that's always a possibility.

EmP posted May 09, 2008:

I belittle the judge's lack of imagaination and creativity. Especially ODs.

Thanks for the judges, kudos to Draqq for the last minute all-nighter and congrats to Boo who has now almost aveneged the Op Wolf review.

draqq_zyxx posted May 09, 2008:

No prob. I blundered, so the least I could do is get it up as quickly as possible.

sashanan posted May 09, 2008:

Does this also mean that unless I submit a review within two weeks, I void my chance at that prize?

shotgunnova posted May 09, 2008:

Finally finished Lunar 2, after about a month and a week. Now onto my main nemesis: Arc the Lad 2.

honestgamer posted May 09, 2008:

It looks like a really great FAQ, shotgunnova. I had started one forever ago that was super-detailed and awesome, but I got derailed. Now I don't have to bother. Good job!

I hope you continue writing FAQs like this for a long time to come. You really do good work.

honestgamer posted May 10, 2008:

My avatar is Tina Fey, yes. Bluberry and I were chatting once about girls with glasses, and of course he linked a picture of Tina Fey (required for any online discussion of girls with glasses). I thought "Wow, that's the best picture of her that I've ever seen" so I cut out a 100x100 square for my avatar and the rest is history.

As for Lunar 2, I don't plan to finish the FAQ. It was a huge project and I don't have time for that now. I'd rather write for newer games, on those rare occasions where I FAQ at all. I'm glad you liked the Gurumin one, but I just don't have it in me to keep writing any with that level of depth. It rocks that people like you do, but I'm more of the reviewer sort.

Doesn't mean I won't write more FAQs, though... I seem to write a few each year.

shotgunnova posted May 11, 2008:

Tina Fey

Suskie posted May 11, 2008:

This is odd. Those of you familiar with our Review of the Week system know that no matter how many reviews a person subs in a given week, he or she can only earn one mention in that RotW. Well, this past week has presented us with the work of a mere three reviewers for a grand total of four reviews. Which means that all three people must be mentioned, regardless of quality. Had our old friend Wolverinefan been one of those people, he would have scored a spot. And I'd have told him the truth: That he got a mention only out of necessity, and not because he has any discernible talent. Because he doesn't.

Anyway. I suppose the overall lack of content I have to deal with can be attributed to OD's comp (which featured a whopping seven entries), or we could blame it on the fact that staff reviews are not eligible. Either way, this was a very light week and I hope -- no, demand -- that my next RotW be a little more engrossing.

SPOILER ALERT: Felix will appear on this list.


Review of the Week: Grand Theft Auto IV (X360) by Felix_Arabia

Easily the most complete and relevant of this week's reviews, as you tackle a game that just released and offers a lot to talk about. This review seems to cater specifically to those familiar with the GTA series, as you spend a lot of time explaining the various additions the game makes to its predecessors, such as the cell phone, the internet, dating, etc. Works for me, but I can imagine those who have never played GTA getting a little lost in all this minor details. I'd cut back a bit on such content and elaborate a little more on the specific examples that you simply skim over, such as the warehouse shootout or the hospital mission. Get more into the core of the game, you know? My only other suggestion is to revise your intro paragraph, which came off feeling pretty generic-sounding and didn't quite pull me in. Otherwise, your strong reviewing voice and struggle to nail all the important aspects of GTA IV made this an easy read despite its length, and since I'm playing through the game right now as well, I found myself nodding. Good work.

First Runner Up: Prism: Light the Way (DS) by darkstarripclaw

Not much to say about this one. Puzzle games aren't very interesting to read about by default, so it's a good thing you kept this one brief and told us only what we need to know, by explaining how the game works, what's wrong with it, and why it might still be worth your money if you're into stuff like this. My only real complaint is that you might want to incorporate your coverage of the game's flaws more naturally into the structure of your review rather than slapping a generic "but the game has a few flaws" paragraph on at the end. This isn't the most exciting review around but it's solid work nonetheless.

Second Runner Up: Metal Slug 3 (Arcade) by Credit_Card

No one could ever make the argument that your reviews lack personality. In fact, I usually think the opposite: That you're trying too hard to come off as energetic and witty, and usually just wind up sounding like a guy who can't be taken seriously. This is most evident in your often juvenile and excessive use of profanity. You would have placed on this list regardless, so at least I'm glad to see that this review is a noticeable improvement over your previous work. Your attitude still kind of bugs me, though. It often felt like you were talking down to me, as if to say I'm an idiot if I don't agree with what you're saying. DE was also right about the review being too long, though I can't say it was ever boring to read. You've definitely got the enthusiasm to sell me on why Metal Slug 3 is so great. Whether or not I want to be taking the advice of the guy writing this is a different story altogether.


Congrats to the winners. You've earned it... I guess.

Genj posted May 11, 2008:

Congrats to felix on the win. Even if he had to review some lame MAINSTREAM game (yuck!).

Felix_Arabia posted May 11, 2008:

Thanks for the win.

wolfqueen001 posted May 13, 2008:

Wow... Sorry guys. I would've had one up last week, but moving out circumstances and all that (read blog) prevented me from doing so. ...plus technically I didn't finish the review until Sunday. >_>

Congrats to the winners nonetheless. Light as it was. There was still competition for ranking, anyway.

darketernal posted May 15, 2008:

Thanks for judging.

zanzard posted May 16, 2008:

Thank you all for the feedback!

Lesson learned: no more small paragraphs!

qxz posted May 18, 2008:

Game: Chameleon
Platform(s): PSP
Publisher: UFO Interactive
Developer: StarFish
Genre: Puzzle
Release Date: May 5, 2008


Game: Austin Powers Pinball
Platform(s): PlayStation
Publisher: Take Two Interactive
Developer: Wildfire Studios
Genre: Casual (pinball)
Release Date: October 25, 2002



One question I'd like to ask: If there's any information that's not present in a game's profile, how would I go about submitting such data?

Added

As to your note, we go through the database on occasion to fill in missing back data (of which there is still a lot), so it's probably just best to wait for that to happen over time. Individually going through and adding game details here and there isn't time-effective. We're happy to add games as needed if you plan to review one or contribute a FAQ, or even if you just own the game and want to add it to your collection. Otherwise, we just wait for weekends where I feel especially industrious and add/modify a few hundred games at a time.

timrod posted May 20, 2008:

Game: Dwarf Fortress
Platform(s): PC
Publisher: Bay 12 Software
Developer: Bay 12 Software
Genre: RTS/Roguelike
Release Date: 2007

overdrive posted May 28, 2008:

Time for my usual late RotW. My excuse this time: Memorial Day alcohol binge followed by a couple panicky days of getting caught up on the job. Come to think of it, I think all my excuses have the words "alcohol binge" involved somehow. Maybe all those friends, family members and total strangers who say I have a problem are on to something after all. Hmmm......food for thought.....

Anyway, here are the reviews and placements. As always, staffers/freelancers/people I dislike get no recognition and users can only have one review count. If this RotW leads to the naughty sorts of e-drama that Pup's did, rest assured that I WILL abuse the post edit feature to make all involved look like fools. Well, unless one person gives the other an utterly hilarious, yet devastating, slam. In which case, I'll take their side completely and totally ostracize the other person to the point they may look at suicide as the only way out. You hear me, Tristis Usurper? Mainstream Mike?

Alright, now that I puffed myself up and feel like a badass, I submit to you THREE REVIEWS I LIKED!



Review of the Week: Neverwinter Nights 2 (PC) by dagoss

It wasn't really a matter of having a tough time picking who'd win this week, but which of their two reviews would get the win. In the end, I went with this one, just because there was this certain sort of quirky humor that really won me over. At first, I was like, "WTF are you talking about with this filler opening paragraph?!?!". Then, after reading the second paragraph, I was just amazed. That was a genius way to start this review. Overuse a tactic like this and it'll get tired very quickly. But in the context of this review, it really worked. And it seemed to set the stage for an informative review that, for the most part, hit on all cylinders. The paragraph about the poor dialogue and annoying characters was pure gold -- especially with the surreal mentioning of how, when you're talking to someone about the dangers of lizardmen, you see a group of them going off to burn a barn. And that was just one highlight. About the only qualm I had was that after reading it, I thought a "5" was a bit too generous, as you did have a laundry list of frustrations, but I loved how this review read.

First Runner Up: Fatal Frame (PS2) by sashanan

You know, I've heard about the Fatal Frame games for some time and had considered playing them, as I do like a good survival horror game, but something about the way they sounded to me just didn't click with me as something I'd get into. Probably the whole camera concept. Your review here is the sort of thing that could convince me to give this game a try at some point despite those qualms. Just a well-written, detailed, informative review that doesn't mince any words about the game's weak points, but still gives me a strong feeling that this is a fun, challenging game that has the definite capacity to genuinely freak a player out. You did a great job of conveying how the game's gimmick (the camera) adds to that atmosphere and how, to really damage enemies, you have to put yourself in danger of taking a very damaging hit. Games like this thrive due to their atmosphere and you did a good job of bringing that out in this review.

Second Runner Up: Okami (Wii) by disco

Another review that's detailed and informative. I'd heard plenty of negative things about the Wii's controller and how it relates to this game, so it's good to see a well-written counterpoint, where you refer to them as being more along the lines of minor inconveniences in an otherwise excellent game. Hard to say much else about this review other than it was a very enjoyable read and that if I wasn't already familiar with this game, I'd have learned all I needed to know about it from your review.



And there were a lot of other good reviews. We had the Felix/Wolfqueen contest, which produced a couple good reviews that were hurt for me by how they're for a genre which I just can't get into reading about, playing or writing about (explaining why Adventures of Lolo has been on my back burner for a year or two). And yes, I did dodge offering my judgment on your little competition just now. I'll get to it this week, but not right now. As well as solid stuff by other writers that made this a pretty fun week as far as reading goes for me.

overdrive posted May 28, 2008:

Well, what should we argue about? You said that from what you heard from Ruder that it's a crappy game. From what I've played, it seems to be a......crappy game that strips all of Zelda's soul, leaving a hollow clone that might rival the Playstation's Monkey Hero for the coveted "bottom of the barrel" award.

EmP posted May 28, 2008:

Monkey Hero was fun.

You're all fools. Let's fight about it.

overdrive posted May 28, 2008:

Oh. Yes. And the most fun part of Monkey Hero, for me, was the time where the game glitched in the first dungeon and a door that was supposed to open when I did something like kill all the enemies in a room didn't trigger and never did no matter what I did and I had to start the whole game over. That was great fun.

dagoss posted May 28, 2008:

I never thought "great" and "genius" could be used to describe something written by me. Thank you overdrive, Felix, and EmP!

Felix_Arabia posted May 28, 2008:

Judging by the images I've seen, Neutopia 2 looks like a fun little game. Judging by what I've heard, it isn't. But when you get past all of the hullabaloo and look at it from the grand scheme of things, no one cares about $6 chip that's just a poor man's Zelda.

Masters posted May 29, 2008:

Neutopia 2 is a fun game. It's a lot like the first one, which is a lot like Zelda. Probably it's not as charming and quaint as Neutopia 1... it tries to be a bit more badass and that makes it less likable. But it's still worth having for fans of the genre. The problem was, as I saw it, that the game was anything but a $6 Hu-Card; it used to be really expensive. Maybe that's changed now.

Masters posted May 29, 2008:

Maybe.

How come you haven't played it if you own it? Did I miss something?

EmP posted June 01, 2008:

This has been a while in the making. Not for sinister reasons like careful planning and delicate timing but because both our systems decided to blow up one after another. Of course, Boo could have done this while I was on a PC KO, but he’s as lazy as he is rotund. He doesn’t even know what Operation Wolf is.

Here’s some backstory.

Before it became a winner in an OD-run tourney, the seeds where long planted for PO’ed. It wasn’t a long process and what it all boils down to is we saw a game we knew nothing about and pushed each other towards reviewing it. It worked; we found ourselves looking forward to reviewing this game that I had dug out from the dank recesses of my mind and, somewhere along the way, one of us said “we should do this for everyone.”

So, now we’re going to. BWHY is a tourney with a twist. We’ll be picking your game for you.

We’re not total monsters. You’ll have some say in the platform and, if you’re not willing to drop $10 or so in Ebay costs, we’ll work with you in ROMS or abandonware, but be aware that the odds are we will abuse this position and use it to torture you.

Your game of (our) choice will be worked out with you through HG Mail (or AIM). We’re not going to burden you all with real rubbish because we have to read all these reviews, after all. We’ll negotiate if need be, but the final say is ours.

The incentive: Win the thing and level vengeance on both of us.

Once you get your game, it’s completely up to you whether you go public with the information or not. Either way, the real aim of this tourney is to push you into a review you otherwise would have never written. Think outside the box, because you’re going to be airlifted beyond the boundaries.

We are now open for sign-ups. Don't be a bunch of girly folk, now.

DEADLINE:
July 27th

Judges:

Emp & Boo

Entries:

Felix
Sash
MartinG
Genj
Belisaros
DoI
CJ
Sporty
Suskie
Will
Vorty
Dagoss
WQ
Jerec
iamtheprodigy
OD -- Cyberdreams
DE
Drella
credit_card
Drella
Twilightauora
Crazyreyn
Darkstarclaw
Cairo
Ben

sashanan posted June 01, 2008:

Give me a reasonable time frame to play the game in - time is ever so precious nowadays - and you're on.

Genj posted June 01, 2008:

I'll go ahead and enter, but I won't be able to start anything until June 20th.

dragoon_of_infinity posted June 01, 2008:

Sign me up, skipper.

Halon posted June 01, 2008:

Cool idea, I suggested this a while back in a reviewer chat and nobody took me seriously. =(

I'll try to get on AIM either tonight or tomorrow. I'm sorry if I haven't been around much on AIM lately; I don't have time to use the internet much anymore except for 3 minutes here and there.

Keep in mind that I only have a PC (with plenty of emulators) and don't want to spend more than $10-20.

WilltheGreat posted June 01, 2008:

I would like it known for the record that I am signing up for this under duress for super happy times.

dagoss posted June 01, 2008:

I want to sign up too!

I have an NES, N64, PS2, and DS (and thus PSX and GBA). Thanks to emulation, the only systems I could not conceivably review games for are the PS3, 360, Xbox, PSP, Wii, Gamecube, Dreamcast, and Saturn. I can handle most PC games except those released in the last year or two.

bluberry posted June 01, 2008:

ROMs for old systems are very, very small. I'm on dialup now, actually, and it hasn't stopped me from nabbing Gradius II just now.

bite me EmP, at least I'm not so cheap didn't give up on PO'ed after one auction ended at the exorbitantly high price of $2.

Halon posted June 01, 2008:

I prefer any PC game that I don't have to spend money on and something that I can ROM for NES/SNES/Genesis/Turbo 16.

I could also do (but prefer not to) any PC game that is $20 or less or any arcade game (pain in the ass to set up MAME again).

You could post my game here if you want unless it's supposed to be private. Then HG mail me and I'll inform you either via HG mail or AIM if it's no good.

EmP posted June 02, 2008:

WQ: NES ROMs are still minute-long downloads on dial-up. You're doing this.

Boo: £2, actually. In dollars, they would have been paying me to take it.

Jerec: Best of luck, bud! I'll scour for an AU-only title.

overdrive posted June 02, 2008:

I'll be in. Preferably pick something I don't gots to put money into, as I'm P-O-O-R at the current time. You know, like a ROM. I can handle that.

iamtheprodigy posted June 02, 2008:

I have Genesis, N64, DS, 360, and PS2. I think I'd prefer DS or N64 but I'm willing to try others. Only thing is I don't want to spend too much, I have some cash but there's several things I'm looking at buying so I need to save up.

Genj posted June 02, 2008:

Emulate:
Arcade (MAME)
NES
SNES
Genesis
Turbo 16 (may be able to download some CD games)
GBA (and thus GB & GBC)

Own:
PS2 & PSX (I have experience with PSX emulation too if someone wants to give me an obscure ISO)
GameCube
Xbox
DS
N64
Saturn

No Dreamcast - hasn't been working well.

PC: The only game I've played on my Vista machine is Vampire: Bloodlines and it had frame rate issues when there were a lot of enemies. Plus my hard drive is quickly getting filled with music and I don't have an external hard drive yet. Probably not a good option anyway because of Vista.

darketernal posted June 02, 2008:

Sure. Anything but Gamecube, Xbox-Xbox360, PS3 or Wii. I think that takes care of what I do not own.

Credit_Card posted June 02, 2008:

Someone asked me to do this. I'm not willing to spend cash because that seems ridiculous to me, but I will emulate anything pre-32bit.

bluberry posted June 02, 2008:

we're on Venter's turf, OD. we're immune to bad jokes.

drella posted June 05, 2008:

At your mercy.

Synonymous posted June 05, 2008:

I'm going to have to resign; looks like moving-related activities are going to interfere. Sorry.

ETA: Vacillation ahoy: I'm most probably going to be AWOL late June/early July. With this schedule, would I be better sitting out?

Suskie posted June 05, 2008:

I'd actually never heard of Whelkman before, but it was pretty obvious he was importing these reviews from somewhere else -- they were pretty varying in quality. I challenge anyone to write a compelling review for Solitaire, but yeah, I agree that some of his NES reviews were far more interesting to read.

Masters posted June 05, 2008:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/portable/gbadvance/review/R65171.html

Brilliant.

bigcj34 posted June 05, 2008:

He jsut imports his reviews? I at least try and rewrite mine, or at least tweak it to current standards, before they see this site. That's why I have almsot 80 on GFAQ's and about 15 here still. It's not that I'm lazy.

Nonetheless, full credit for his NES contributions.

Halon posted June 05, 2008:

Even though his best work was already posted here (Dragon Warrior, Guardian Legend, etc) it's great to see the rest of it here. Not to mention he's probably the greatest poster in the history of all the reviewing forums.

And we can't forget the choking on an acorn emoticon.
:-@

EmP posted June 06, 2008:

We'll pencil that in as the date for now. I can start sorting the TT out in the background of this.

You should all have HG mails with your chosen game in. If you don't, or you have problems with the game, let me know here or through HGMail.

Muk1000 posted June 06, 2008:

Game: Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode One
Platform(s): Xbox 360, PC, Mac, Linux
Publisher: Hothead Games
Developer: Hothead Games
Genre: RPG/Adventure
Release Date: May 21, 2008

honestgamer posted June 07, 2008:

Anyone else making progress on this? I have a 'K' review coming soon. No one has posted in the topic in a bit. Let's see some progress. :-D

Felix_Arabia posted June 07, 2008:

The V review is going to be the greatest review HG has ever seen. It will literally change how reviews are written. I'm getting tingly just thinking about it.

Felix_Arabia posted June 07, 2008:

I have not read the review yet because EmP has yet to to write it. But I can GUARANTEE that the game is the most awesome and influential piece of excellence in the history of the university.

Crazyreyn posted June 07, 2008:

Count me in - I'd like to emulate (Amiga, DS, GameBoy, GameBoy Color, GBA, Master System, Mega Drive, NES and SNES).

overdrive posted June 07, 2008:

I've put a couple letters up for me in recent times. Well, at least one. But, I'll have two more done next week.

honestgamer posted June 08, 2008:

I'm filling in this week for pup, who as you might have read has moved on from his staff position here on the site. Until his place in the RotW rotation is filled, you will see guest faces (like mine).

This week, there were 10 reviews to go through, many of them quite excellent (and none of them poor, certainly). That's a lot of great writing to sort through, but below you'll find my picks for my three favorites, with commentary.

As usual, staff reviews are excluded from the list of reviews and I'm only commenting on one review from any individual. If you submitted multiple pieces and I referenced one, know that it's the one I liked best. And now, without further ado...

---

Second Runner-Up: Metal Storm (NES) by dagoss

The battle for the third-place finish this week was brutal, but finally it came down to two possible candidates. I ultimately went with dagoss (sorry, woodhouse) because the review focused slightly more on details not pertaining directly to plot (woodhouse dallied there a bit longer than felt right to me), and because the writing throughout was just so darn cool! The introduction on the one hand feels a little bit bloated, yet I wouldn't recommend cutting any of it because it so perfectly sums up many gamers who consider themself experts of the 8-bit era. This review is a bit of a call to action. "Try this game you thought wasn't worth your time," it seems to say, and then it tells exactly why you'll want to. Moving from that introduction to the reference of standing on the ceiling and firing bullets downward to hit an enemy above was the right move. That just sounds so bizarre and the rest of the review is spent establishing just why it's a breath of fresh air and executed wonderfully. The end result is that I want to play the game more than ever and I want to see more reviews that are similarly insightful from dagoss.

First Runner-Up: Metroid (NES) by Felix_Arabia

The introduction to this review worked perfectly and was the start of one of Felix's best reviews to date. My hackles always rise just a little bit when I see someone bashing a game I like--and I do like Metroid--but this review took a balanced and persuasive approach as it told me just why Felix didn't much care for the time he spent in the 8-bit corridors of Brinstar. His introduction set the scene perfectly and then he followed through with excellent descriptions of a game that slowly leeched his enjoyment away. I think what I liked best was how he made the game sound suitably cool in all the right places, then showed why that wound up not particularly mattering in the grand scheme of things. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging what a game you don't like does right, especially if you then demonstrate so effectively why it doesn't save the day. Felix did that very well here. On most other weeks, it would have been enough to get him the win. This time around, though, that instead went to someone else.

Review of the Week: Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES) by drella

There were a lot of fine reviews this week, but after reading through them all, I could tell that the most they could hope to do is fight it out for second and third place. In my mind, this review for Super Mario Bros. 3 was the undisputed leader. I've read a lot of stuff about various Nintendo-developed titles over the years, but I can't remember the last time a review so perfectly nailed what it's like to play those games, to revel in the feeling of being a Mario fan when his games are at their best. I've already gushed about this review elsewhere so I'll shut up now, but let it be known that this just became (in my opinion) the definitive review of one of my favorite games. Stellar.

---

I'm not sure who is up to bat next week, but I hope that you'll give him as much great material to agonize over as you did this week. Good job, and keep those excellent submissions coming!

Felix_Arabia posted June 08, 2008:

Thanks for the mention and congrats to Drella for his fine win. This truly was a magnificent week and I hope that the subsequent weeks are just as good. Though he wasn't mentioned elsewhere in this topic, I want to give props to BigCj34 for writing a really good Sonic review. Great job from everyone all around.

honestgamer posted June 08, 2008:

The best suggestion I can offer for any of you looking to break into the top three is to write and submit something new each week. Not only will you improve with the practice--though some of you are doing quite well already--but you also have that hope that one week not as many people will submit and you'll sneak in that way. ;-)

I remember back in the old days when RotD was a fierce competition over on GameFAQs, I tried several times for the crown before I finally got it. I was starting to get impatience but it really drove me to produce some of my best work at the time. Regular contests like this do a person good and I hope that all of you looking to improve will take advantage of RotW and the education (and motivation) it can provide!

Anyway, it's like I said. This was a great week. It truly was. I was startled by the sheer quality of many of the submissions through and through. If we could have more weeks like this one, I would be ecstatic.

johnny_cairo posted June 09, 2008:

I will enter so long as you don't make me review anything based on an anime/manga.

dagoss posted June 09, 2008:

The NES was the winner this week. She earned it!

EmP posted June 10, 2008:

You should all have reviews now. Anyone without one, let me know

wolfqueen001 posted June 11, 2008:

Dude. You should totally add all those new people to the entries list. Your turn out is huge. It's amazing!

darkstarripclaw posted June 11, 2008:

I do not have a review yet.

EmP posted June 13, 2008:

As promised, forum now open for questions and slurs.

Or just use it to mock Sash. He can't win this one!

zombie posted June 13, 2008:

hey guys, I think it's sexy you have the ZX Spectrum listed, and I'm going to be concentrating on the Spectrum for a short while. But I need this added:

Game: Adventure A: Planet of Death
Platform(s): Sinclair ZX Spectrum
Publisher: Artic Computing Ltd
Developer: Artic Computing Ltd
Genre: Text Adventure
Release Date: 1982

http://www.worldofspectrum.org/infoseekid.cgi?id=0005913

The only thing I'm not sure on is developer. Many of these games were developed by a single person... if it;s more appropriate to find that name I could see if it;s available.

Thanks guys. Believe in the true power of friendship and all that.

Added.

sashanan posted June 13, 2008:

Given that owning a 360 is not a listed requirement for participation, I could too win this. It is by choice that I'll pretend there are other participants and sit this one out.

EmP posted June 14, 2008:

I've hired elite security to screen every last person who enters to keep this Sash-free.

Tourney runner: just say NO to Sash.

He'll get the last laugh when the PC give-aways flare back up.

Crazyreyn posted June 15, 2008:

I assume we have until the end of July to this then, ja? I'm busy until 2nd July, but really want to take part.

EmP posted June 15, 2008:

Worry not, Shotty: I have abused my powerz to ensure that this thread is immortal.

honestgamer posted June 15, 2008:

All threads in the database will now purge after a certain period of inactivity. The powers EmP abused delay that miserable end, but it's up to active posters to keep things going. Nothing is archived beyond around 30 days.

honestgamer posted June 17, 2008:

Dang it! I wrote a fresh new review tonight for a game of my choosing and it doesn't even go toward scratching another one off this list! What was I thinking?

drella posted June 18, 2008:

Here you go:

R-Shark

I hope others made out a little better with their picks.

overdrive posted June 18, 2008:

Very strong collection of reviews this time. I actually had to put more than the usual half-assed thought and deliberation into picking which three got my ever-desirable STAMP OF APPROVAL, as all nine (by eight folk) were very good reads. So, if you're not listed, don't be sad and start cutting yourself to cope, as the problem probably wasn't you — it was just the overall high level of competition.

After those pleasantries, let's get down to TEH ROOLZ! Only one rule from a user may be eligible. That way, you struggling, starving artists don't have to read that Felix got both his reviews in the top three while you got nothing. Hell, if I feel like it, you won't see ANY of his stuff in the top three. Today or ever again. Even when I'm not doing RotW. Second, staff people aren't eligible. That's too bad, as I'd totally give the win to my MoH: Vanguard review, not read any of yours and just pick two recognizable names and give them inspiring comments like, "I really liked this review. You did a great job with.....words.... Cheerio, old pip!"

Alrighty, then, now that I've made a complete mockery of this process, it's time to give you the three reviews you can't live without.



Review of the Week: Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance (XBox) by pickhut

This review just flat-out impressed the hell out me. You took an older game that's been covered to hell and back, but did so in a unique way that made this review a way better read than I was expecting. You only the final two paragraphs actually mentioning the MGS2 game, while focusing on how the "missions" game was this intense arcade-like test of skills that actually can supersede the game. Reading this review made me think about how, with some games, there are optional add-ons that wind up so cool and challenging that they wind up actually being the most enjoyable thing on the disc. Kind of an unorthodox way of looking at this game, but one that I liked, as it was a fresh new take on one of those games a large number of reviewers not named Overdrive already have some sort of opinion on.

First Runner Up: Biomechanical Toy (Arcade) by drella

Well, first off, the TMNT you mentioned is Raphael. Rafael makes me think of some crack dealer/pimp. Take that away and this was a very brightly-written review. Your intro discussion how checkpoints can be a cool thing in some games, but how they don't necessarily work so well here was a great way to segue into how this is a fun, quirky little game, but gets broken up unnecessarily by the checkpoints. And the way you described that was great, saying that it's like breaking a favorite movie into five-minute intervals and interspersing lots of rewinding. Very well-written stuff.

Second Runner Up: Xevious 3D/G (Arcade) by Felix_Arabia

In the days of eld, I played the old X-to-the-evious on my Atari 7800 (making me one of the 11 people who owned that P.O.S.). Back then, I kinda liked it because I was young, dumb and didn't know better. After growing up a bit and sampling some NES shmups, I went down memory lane and could only take about 15 seconds of X-evil before turning it off....for good. Reading those opening couple paragraphs really gave me a vivid reminder of how I felt trying to replay that game. It was just old and so far outclassed by that point, it lacked any ability to maintain my interest. Then you go into the 3D upgrade and I'm reading (and seeing pics) of what seems to be this really nice upgrade to the old system. Then, you mention, the game goes on rails down tunnels, taking away from the atmosphere from the early parts. Very nice review of a decent game that just doesn't quite live up to its potential that just edges out a couple of others for third place.



And that's that. Tune in later as I make my shocking entrant into this whole arcade writing challenge thing and wildly speculate as to which game will be my first entrant in that (or just look at recent photo galleries if you want to spoil the surprise).

drella posted June 18, 2008:

Haha. Loved pickhut's take on MGS 2. Congrats to him and thanks for the kind words (and typo catch) OD.

Muk1000 posted June 19, 2008:

*cuts self just because you said not to*

;_;

Nah, I'm good. Congratulations to pickhut and the runner-ups this week!

...hm. That's a good band name. "Pickhut and the Runner-Ups"

EmP posted June 19, 2008:

Yeah, Boo posted it. I'll throw it up on the first post when I dig it out.

For you, though, it's tomorrow.

espiga posted June 20, 2008:

Game: Vantage Master Portable
Platform(s): PSP
Publisher: Falcom
Developer: Falcom
Genre: Strategy RPG
Release Date: 2008 (JP)

Added.

Thanks.

drella posted June 22, 2008:

This one wasn't even on KLOV.

Game: The Return of Lady Frog
Platform(s): Arcade
Manufacturer: Microhard
Release Date: 1993
Genre: Bomberman with tiles and tits. Or Action.

Added.

EmP posted June 23, 2008:

I’ve watched now as the other staffers got easy weeks on this before deciding the time was right to drop myself back into the RotW rotation. I saw weeks with only three reviews subbed, weeks with clear and undisputed winners and weeks where the top three where as obvious as OD’s wine glass is huge. So, I make my return and faced the hardest week I’d ever come up against.

My job wasn’t just about picking the top three in some cases but which review a given reviewer should lead with in the first place. It was a tough call in every aspect, and the top three are somewhat interchangeable with numerous other reviews nipping at their heels. You’ll notice that I’ve left feedback for other reviews, and this is mainly because these originally had RotW spots and I swapped them out after thought. It really was very close.

One review per person, no staff reviews, blah blah blah. Let’s do this thing:


FIRST

DRELLA - POW

Drella teaches us a lesson here in justified anger while ripping POW to shreds. Even the scattered cursing used sparing throughout did a great job i highlighting the frustration and overall lack of foresight that the game forced upon him. I especially enjoyed the paragraph about being teased with a helicopter and a tank, thinking that a break from the never-ending flood of goons was incoming only to be presented with even more of the bugger -- that's a killer example right there.

And with an intro like the one you employed, you had to do a lot to prove that this game was awful. You did this and you did it intelligently; the tone made the review amusing, bit the strength here was the poignant examples you kept pulling out. There's no dead words anywhere, which is hard to do when you fall into a negative rant for a review.

TYPO WATCH: Last line of paragraph three should end in a question mark.

SECOND

WQ: Metal Gear Solid

I'm not a MGS fan (or, if you ask the right people, a fan of anything at all), but I'm not going to give you the clichéd praise of "your review makes me want to give the game another chance". It doesn't. I gave up at the bit where I had to go around watching guy's butts to make sure they weren't the slinky girl in disguise and I'm not going back for anyone.

But the review is a very good one for what it is: a fair look in from someone who enjoys looking at guy's pixaly arses the game more than I. And you do a good job in explaining why while still pointing out that it's got its own hosts of flaws to contend with. I liked the point about guards beaming in from nowhere once the alarm goes despite everyone in the area being killed, and kudos for not taking the easy and oft-travelled path of mocking the horny ninja like everyone else has done to death. In fact, you did pretty well in avoiding a lot of the before-mentioned aspects in a game verging on over-covered, which, in itself, is commendable. Good job: you're coming along nicely and I'm going to take full credit for it all.

THIRD

FELIX: METAL SLUG 2

“Oh No!”, scream the masses. “It’s Another Slug Review!”

The masses talk in capitals.

The reason we get a lot of reviews on Metal Slug is probably because it’s such an easy game to write about. The entire thing is packed full of examples and here young Felix does a good job pointing out the ones we’ve all heard before, but with STYLE! As I mentioned in one of the feedbacks I’ve left somewhere (I’ve left loads, making you all look like the lazy slackers you are, so I’m allowed to forget) I’m not fused about retreading covered ground as long as it’s covered well, and Felix does just that. The review feels alive at points as he throws example after example at you. Then he tells you not to play the game, which is odd, but that’s okay; MS1, which he demands you play first is a goodie, too.

But in this insistence of playing order, the conclusion feels like a let down. I didn’t come to this review for advice on my order, I came to see why I should play MS2 at all! This review, though does it’s job well, aside from wonky ending -- it makes Slug 2 sound as great as it is plus it adds another arcade review to Leroux’s tally.



Close calls came in CJ’s surprisingly good Lemmings review, Dagoss’ heartfelt ICO review and Disco’s solid Space Invaders. Also good was a new entry from Welsh-ton with a good TWEWY review, a long-awaiting Genj piece that seemed lacking in his trademark humour and a strong Espiga return. If I’ve not mentioned you, there’s no need to fret, you got buried in reviews that, in any other week, would have walked away with a top three spot or win.

It’s like you waited for me to come back then flooded me with work. I hate you all.

dagoss posted June 23, 2008:

I feel honored to not only be mentioned but to have my name completely butchered.

Genj posted June 23, 2008:

a long-awaiting Genj piece that seemed lacking in his trademark humour

Don't worry. I just finished The Bouncer.

Congrats to Drella, wolfqueen, and felix on the mentions.

wolfqueen001 posted June 23, 2008:

Thanks, EmP! Though if I had known earlier that you were doing this, I wouldn't've bothered you about it...

I don't know how you have the time, anyway. o.O

One thing, though. I gave up at the bit where I had to go around watching guy's butts to make sure they weren't the slinky girl in disguise...

XD That's the easiest part in the entire game! All you have to do is wait for the male guards to use the bathroom - one's already in there waiting for you - and either cap them with your pistol or choke them to death. Meryl will go to the other bathroom after a while.... to the lady's one. Nevermind any butt watching... XD

Anyway, thanks again; I really appreciate the comments, and for teaching me how to write these in the first place.

Congrats to Drella and Felix, too. Yay - I didn't have to wait till a day not ending in "y" to beat you after all.

Still, I thank your editing for the MGS one; couldn't have done it without you.

Suskie posted June 23, 2008:

Thought I was up for this week. I need to get the schedule straight.

Congrats to the deserving winners :)

Suskie posted June 23, 2008:

Just a minor note, if you don't mention anything about the game's region, I'm going to assume it's NA, so be sure to specify if needed.

bluberry posted June 23, 2008:

posts like that are why I love you, timrod.

psychopenguin posted June 25, 2008:

FF Tactics A2 rough draft started. I might as well keep working on FF3 and Suikoden, also.

dagoss posted June 25, 2008:

Game: Wizardry I-II-III: The Story of Llylgamyn
Platform(s): Super Famicom
Publisher: Media Factory
Developer: Sirtech
Genre: CRPG
Release Date: 01 June 1999 (Japan only)

Game: The Ultimate Wizardry Archives
Platform(s): PC
Publisher: Interplay
Developer: Sirtech
Genre: CRPG
Release Date: 30 April 1998

Game: Genmu no Tou to Tsurugi no Okite
Platform(s): DS
Publisher: Success
Developer: Success
Genre: CRPG
Release Date: 22 May 08 (Japan only)

Game: Persona 2: Innocent Sin
Platform(s): PSX
Publisher: Atlus
Developer: Atlus
Genre: Console RPG
Release Date: 24 June 1999 (Japan only)

(Note: This is not the same game as Persona 2: Eternal Punishment, which is already in the database.)

(Note: ADDED)

wolfqueen001 posted June 26, 2008:

Huh... what happened to some of the hyperlinks here...? Especially Felix's. Or is it just my connection?

Anyway, I have 9 now... and genj has 4. >_>

Should have ten in about a week.

Isn't this fun?

shotgunnova posted June 26, 2008:

Take a seat, Castlevania III -- it's Saiyuki time! I'd consider doing MOH European Assault if my idiot comrades didn't lumber in front of a machine-gun nest and die within the first minute; or, disappear from the radar like a bunch of yellow-bellied wussbags.

overdrive posted June 26, 2008:

Yes, Golden Sun. If you compare my review of it here with the near-identical GF one, you'll notice that one has an unnecessary extra paragraph where I just provide a long-winded second example of something I'd made very clear in the previous one.

bluberry posted June 26, 2008:

why I used to suck

and that's edited, there were whole paragraphs that said like "locking on with R3 works really well!"

hey look, it's HTML that still works. this'll be broken within a week.

Suskie posted June 26, 2008:

This is what happens when Jason puts restrictions on our HTML usage.

Genj posted June 26, 2008:

It's the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend of the world as we know it (and I feel fine).

EmP posted June 28, 2008:

Sorry; Boo thought I was picking for you and I thought he was dealing with the people coming in late.

In your HG-Mail now.

bluberry posted June 29, 2008:

haha, one of these days I'll not be too lazy to edit in the (few) reviews I've done.

Genj posted June 30, 2008:

I'm dropping out because I really don't want to waste time playing an RPG that I'm not enjoying at all.

bigcj34 posted June 30, 2008:

Now seriously, it's a bit silly to refuse to play a game because it's rubbish, if this is the purpose of the competition.

I've just realised how to play this atrocious game I got and I'm going to crack on with it. Think of all the poor journalists who write for mags! This will be only be my second sub-5/10 review the way things are going.

Felix_Arabia posted June 30, 2008:

You're not allowed to have fun, Genjuro. That goes for the rest of yas.

bigcj34 posted June 30, 2008:

Well bluberry, that's what I was about to discover in the competition. How dare you spoil the surprise!

Halon posted June 30, 2008:

Game still isn't working. I still have time!

honestgamer posted July 02, 2008:

I can't believe how quickly you churn out quality FAQs for interesting and complex games. Unlimited SaGa is an awesome game that almost no one likes and last I knew, there was a bounty for it on GameFAQs. Are you really going to write for it?

shotgunnova posted July 02, 2008:

I'd like to write for it, but since it's multi-path and I've only been able to stand about 2 hours of it, probably not in the near future. Wouldn't say the game is as bad as the rep it's gotten, but it's certainly got a weird insular/esoteric feel to it that pushes about 90% of the RPG public away. Might get away with writing a guide on the first playthrough for a simpler RPG, but that one seemed like something that has to be gone through first for a good understanding. Did you play all the way through?

timrod posted July 02, 2008:

Game: Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2
Platform(s): DS
Publisher: Square-Enix
Developer: Square-Enix
Genre: Turn-based Strategy
Release Date: 2008

Already have a bash review set up. You heard how much it sucks from me first.

Already in the database as Final Fantasy Tactics A2, its actual title. Thanks!

woodhouse posted July 03, 2008:

Title: Amorous Professor Cherry
Genre: Dating Simulation (Hentai)
Publisher: G-Collections.com
Developer: ZyX
Release Date: July 3, 2008
ESRB: A

GameFAQs: Other Regional Information

Added with LOVE.

Genj posted July 03, 2008:

I tried to get a good balance of humor and technical gameplay observation, so I guess I achieved that! Thanks for the win and congrats to drella, felix and everyone else that submitted. There have been a lot of quality user submissions lately.

Masters posted July 04, 2008:

Who is supposed to do this next week?

EmP posted July 04, 2008:

Everyone should have games now. Let me know if you don't or have problems with your pick.

drella posted July 05, 2008:

Haha. Wasn't expecting that little review to even be mentioned, let alone praised. Thanks!

Suskie posted July 05, 2008:

I need to do two more H reviews -- for the Half-Life 2 episodes -- and then I swear I'll move on to a different letter.

disco1960 posted July 08, 2008:

I couldn't find my game. It looked really cool, though.

Also, something came up and I won't be able to do this now because I am lame.

Crazyreyn posted July 09, 2008:

I probably won't be able to send anything until the 17th, rather annoyingly. Is there a confirmed deadline?

espiga posted July 09, 2008:

'Tis a shame I came back late for this one, it's one of the more interesting tourneys you guys have had here. Good luck to those who entered.

Felix_Arabia posted July 10, 2008:

I'm going to have to drop out of this one, too.

espiga posted July 10, 2008:

I should join in late, finish my obscure game, and beat all the dropouts!

What I have:

Famicom (with an adaptor for US NES releases)
SNES (modded for JP games)
N64 (buried somewhere)
Wii
GBA SP
DS

Genesis
Sega CD (buried somewhere; probably doesn't work anymore)
Game Gear (If I can find batteries)
Saturn (compatible with any region as long as I donakt need a RAM expansion
Dreamcast (with a freeloader disc)

PC Engine DUO

PS2 (JP)
PS3 (original 60 GB with BC intact)
PSP

Xbox
Xbox 360 (both are US versions, unmodded)

Basically, through region-free and/or mods and backwards compatibility I can play basically any game for those consoles except Xbox and 360.

As for genre, I try to keep an open mind for anything except sports games, which are the spawn of satan himself. However, I greatly enjoy rpg, shmups, fighters, and manly brawlers.

overdrive posted July 10, 2008:

Well, due to a wee bit o' miscommunication, it wasn't until yesterday that I found out that this was my RotW week. So, to celebrate that knowledge, I got really wasted at a friend's place last night and am kinda fuzzyheaded right now. So if my comments don't make any sense, I hotlinked the wrong reviews or I go against the rules repeatedly, well, those things happen.

As for the rules, as far as I know, they're the same. No staffers eligible, only one review by any given person can be in the top three, all complaints go to EmP, all compliments go to me.

So, here we go!



Review of the Week: Wizardry: Knight of Diamonds (NES) by dagoss

While all three of your reviews had certain attributes that really impressed me, this one was the best in my eyes. I think the big thing you did here was perfectly sum up the way those of us who played those old-school pre-storylines RPGs feel about them. The way you can get slaughtered by an unexpected "oopsie", but you're still having fun going through the maze and mapping it block by block, leading to that feeling of triumph when you finally figure out how to successfully get somewhere or do something. And I also give you high marks for having the knowledge about the game to be able to talk about how the NES version is improved over the PC version and how you feel this is the best of the three NES Wizardrys. Reading this makes me want to get on my computer tonight and start back up with the SNES Wizardry I-II-III compilation, so I can finish I to get to II (as I do want to see if, with all three on one cart, you can transfer character data from one game to another after beating each one). I won't do that, as I'm too busy with Okami and Dragon Quest V right now.....but you did make me want to!

First Runner Up: Drakengard (PS2) by Felix_Arabia

Yet another Drakengard review. It actually surprises me that this is only the seventh one for this game on the site, since I feel like I've read reviews of this game from everyone who's ever submitted here. Still, as you might guess from the high rating of approval you got from me, you did a good job covering subject matter that could be considered "tired" by now. Those opening few paragraphs do a great job of setting the mood of the game and the writing here is top-notch. I'd say that, really, the only complaint I have about this review could be it's biggest strength — how it seems you assume the reader already is familiar with this game in writing about it. It's cool because it allows the review to focus on the greatness of the atmosphere and allows you to talk about the things you liked in it — but, on the other hand, for someone who hasn't yet played the game like me, it could be a bit confusing to figure out exactly what you're talking about when you're briefly mentioning certain things under the assumption I know what's what with it and then moving quickly along to something else. Still a very energetic and entertaining review and it's nice to see you do something besides energetic and entertaining reviews of obscure Japanese-only NES games BEFORE I CAN GET TO THEM!!!

Second Runner Up: Trauma Center: Under the Knife 2 (DS) by Chacranajxy

Very nice review about a new game in what seems to be a pretty popular series today. Did a good job of going from the basic plot to a recap of the general Trauma Center gameplay (since I've not touched one of these games, that was a nice addition) to mentioning how the game is fun and appealing despite not breaking any new ground. It's an easy read that is full of information and the sort of review that I'd like a guy like newalone4 to take a look at and learn from. Obviously he loves retro shooters and has a ton of info in some of his reviews, but a couple of them were pure "PC clocking" material due to excessive length. The biggest strength of this review is how tight the writing is. I learned everything I needed to know about this game in six concise, well-written paragraphs.



And another RotW bites the dust! Now off to find some other form of mischief!

dagoss posted July 10, 2008:

I only seem like I'm on fire because I use the feedback reviews sometimes attract to determine my worth as a human being.

You can import characters between scenarios in The Story of Llygamyn, but they lose all their experience and items. I'm not sure if you can keep those things if you export a character that has completed a scenario though.

EDIT: "Heart of Diamonds"?

overdrive posted July 11, 2008:

Dagoss
See, I said I was fuzzyheaded yesterday when I did the RotW and I proved that to be true with that "Heart" of Diamonds screw-up! It's corrected, now.

espiga posted July 11, 2008:

Congratulations dagoss on a well-deserved win! Your review made me want to go dig out my copy of Wizardry V, but it seemed like too much hassle so I didn't.

Also congrats to the rest of you turkeys.

wolfqueen001 posted July 14, 2008:

Haha. I'm trying my hand at self-analyzing myself.

EmP posted July 15, 2008:

Just sub as normal and link on from this topic. If you want to keep it a secret for a while, link in nearer the deadline.

espiga posted July 16, 2008:

Title: Zwei II
Platform: PC
Save: Hard Drive
Publisher: Falcom
Developer: Falcom
Release date: September 25, 2008 (JP)
Genre: Action RPG

Added.

Title: Eiyuu Densetsu: Sora no Kiseki the 3rd (translated as Legend of Heroes: Miracle of the Sky the 3rd )
Platform: PSP
Publisher: Falcom
Developer: Falcom
Release Date: July 24, 2008 (JP)
Genre: Turn-based RPG
Additional information: Custom Sora no Kiseki the 3rd PSP theme available on Falcom's website

Added.

Thanks babycakes.

sashanan posted July 18, 2008:

but then again, I might not.

...

No. Too easy.

EmP posted July 20, 2008:

Most of the guys up the top are staff, so can edit the scores as they progress.

I asked for people to post to say when they had new games up, otherwise it's a huge pain to keep up with the scores!

EmP posted July 20, 2008:

Balls to Venter being all smug about being on time. I live in a different (and, I might add, VASTLY SUPERIOR) time zone and spat out no less than two review today. If I wasn’t staff, and they were allowed, they would have come first and second today. Except only one review per person.

See that? That’s an original way to reillustrate the rules. Man, I’m so awesome.



FIRST
The Getaway (PS2) Wolfqueen

Here’s an odd phrase: This person also decided it’d be a good idea to totally forego any sort of plot whatsoever, allowing the player a choice on whether he or she followed it or simply rampaged through the city.

You say there’s no plot, then say that the player has the choice to follow it or not. I’m complaining early because this review really does highlight how far you’ve come since you stumbled through Xena way back when. There’s no real killer lines to point out, no poetic prose; what you do is deliver a solid review that tells me what I need to know about the game and rarely makes any mistakes in doing so. I know the game’s frustrating and I know why. I know what works and what doesn’t, and I know why. And you intertwine the plot throughout everything; nothing is overbearing.

Good job.

SECOND
Gleylancer (GEN) Dagoss

Oh, I’m on to you. Want to sub on my week and get some advanced feedback on how to up your BWHY score? Not on my watch, bucko. You just get the placement and will have to wait on your feedback.

That’s how I roll. With valid excuses that let me do less work.

THIRD
Lost Winds (WII) Disco

The review is a little jumpy in a way I’ve never seen before. You tend to say “This is good but then here’s a bad thing. This game is bad, but then here’s a good thing.” and so on. I like all the stuff in between, and you describe the game well within this odd structure, but it feels like being on a see-saw, I’m constantly bobbing up and down.

That’s not to say it’s not effective, though. I find myself really liking how the game seems to work, what with drawing in gusts of wind. But you don’t let the novelty sell you and point out the negatives convincingly. It’s a very solid review held down only by something I’m probably the only person that it bothers in the first place. Sorry!



Epsiga threw out a kooky little review that VM is too geeky even to acknowledge despite the dedication and we were treated to another solid review from Zipp, who’s review did run on a little too long at points (and misuses it’s instead of its now and then), but was still informative and for the PS3, which, I’m told, is a change! Good week this time around, kids; be sure to give Suskie hell next turn around.

dagoss posted July 21, 2008:

I didn't know this was your week. Now I just feel unloved that I don't comments.

Wolfqueen's review totally deserved to win.

wolfqueen001 posted July 22, 2008:

Wow. Thanks, guys! I honestly didn't expect to win this round - I thought disco's was better than mine - but then again, I always say this. And then I always get proven wrong.

Congrats to everyone else, too.

iamtheprodigy posted July 23, 2008:

I didn't get my game, I'm a lazy asshole, everyone forget about me.

*hides in shame*

overdrive posted July 23, 2008:

Mine will be up tomorrow.

I hope, because I ain't gonna have the time to type things up over the days after that. Or, to be more accurate, I may have the time, but I won't be sober enough during that time to type.

As a sidenote to Blu, I will get revenge because I know you picked this one for me. Couldn't you have given me Memento Mori or Requiem? As opposed to the Doom World's "Adventures of Lolo on Crack"?

Crazyreyn posted July 24, 2008:

Submitted.

wolfqueen001 posted July 24, 2008:

That's the thing, EmP. I did post in here updatting my score once... twice, even, before I nagged you on AIM about it. >_> But at least that answers the "biased updating" question.

12 for me now, in any case.

Halon posted July 24, 2008:

I should write my review soon.

Halon posted July 27, 2008:

Here's my review.

I'm sorry for such poor quality. Right now I really don't have any inspiration to write for a tourney so at least I kept it short.

wolfqueen001 posted July 27, 2008:

Hm... Roughly 24 sign up, only 9 submit so far (on this topic anyway). Hope more fill in. >_> Night's still young, though.

johnny_cairo posted July 27, 2008:

You know what my submission was.

Genj posted July 29, 2008:

Please add this fine piece of software:

Naruto: Ninja Council
Gameboy Advance
Publisher: D3
Developer: Aspect
Genre: Action Platformer
Release: 5/01/03 (JP)
3/07/06 (US)

ADDED

drella posted July 31, 2008:

For the record, I blame my impending loss on EmP giving me a shooter with nothing to fucking talk about.

Awesome review, Cairo. You should throw the lengthy plot examination up on your blog.

bluberry posted August 01, 2008:

did you say Nord?

expect results by Sunday night I imagine, folks, EmP's always on the ball with these things and I'm working on things now that I don't have work and other shit to deal with. thanks to everyone who did show up, too.

wolfqueen001 posted August 02, 2008:

Funny thing is, I sent him a mail with all the hyperlinks in for him (I missed a few because they weren't subbed yet, though). I would've thought he'd have taken care of it by now. All he has to do is hit the reply button and copy/paste the html there. >_>

bluberry posted August 04, 2008:

NOW WITH ACTUALLY TELLING YOU WHO GOT WHAT! Our bad.

Foreword by EmP:

I'm a pioneer and Boo's riding my coattails like a tiny goblin-like creature [editor's note: OGC]. Because We Hate You is a twisted concoction of my pure love for our shared craft and his deepest desires to see you all dead. We want you to write, but we want you to suffer. Mainly, we wanted to do something different, and we did. Thanks for playing the games we gave you to those who turned up. To those who no showed, you're rubbish writers anyway, and we're glad we didn't have to read your crap.

Love and hate. It's a theme!

But! We're not content to simply throw a new tourney at you. I'm revolutionary, after all! You will get your blasted feedback, but, rather than get two run-downs from individuals, we got together and stopped slagging off Doom 3 just long enough [editor's note: it's dreadful] to work through the review list and discuss each entry in depth, with pure hearts and open minds. We liked how it turned out, and hope you do, too; it gave us both the chance to argue for your case on points we liked, or damn them to Hades for the bits we didn't. It was a huge pain in the arse to arrange thanks to Boo's inferior time zone [editor's note: don't make us liberate you], so your gratitude best be as deep as our displayed love!

However, for those of you feeling traditional, we're willing to back-track and offer more expected feedback upon request. Just ask, and we'll get right on the case.

I'm glad we did this tourney, and I appreciate the work of those who entered and seriously grafted. Though we were harsh at points, don't take it to heart: in a lot of cases, we damned you with our choice of game but I think those of you who where challenged the most preformed the best. I want you all to take on board the impact writing outside your comfort zone can have on your works. And next time you turn your nose up at reviewing an unfamiliar genre. even the 'dull' ones like puzzles or sports, I want you to consider the very serious possibility that you're stunting your own growth [editor's note: eventually he'll remember he's just talking about reviewing videogames].

That's what I wanted to say in this tourney. That and we hate you. Thanks for playing!



The scores are in boo/EmP order, if you couldn't gather.

Ben: A Sound of Thunder

Very good. The “you're a statistic” line was great. We both really liked it, but to slightly different degrees. I thought it was a bit rote in places, like when you're discussing box pushing puzzles; EmP thought it tried too hard in places, but that this was vastly preferable to not trying hard enough. He liked that the comparisons between the game and the movie were non-invasive, they kept it light and not overbearing. I'd agree with that. He also says it's not very rusty at all, especially considering you've been out of the game for a while. It was a convincing and well written review I thought, I had a few niggles but in general it worked well. 84/84.

BigCJ: Guardian of Darkness

To clarify, I was actually being snarky to Genj for quitting over the fact that he didn't like his game haha, not telling you that scores under 5/10 exist. Good last line, haha. Anyway, this was a solid effort. EmP's right when he says bashing suits you, you pick the game apart pretty well. It's a bit formulaic, though—both of us are almost at a loss for things to say since it's just such a solid but unnoteworthy bash review, though if the lack of a substantial critique here bothers you don't hesitate to let us know and we'll try a bit harder to pin it down. Props for getting by with what turned out to be so little, though, and it worked pretty well. I know I said you'd get all Genj's points as a bonus, but I was going to give him a 0 anyway. Sorry. 75/75.

Cairo: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

Great tagline. For my money you're probably the best writer on this site, and I'm not just saying that to suck you off since we're buddies. That's what kills me about this review—it's still written incredibly well, but as a review, it's an absolute mess. All it did was go "holy shit the Tanker is awesome Tanker Tanker Tanker Tanker, oh but an arm talks 2/10". There's so much more to bash in MGS2 than the superficial “Talking arm! Rollerskating fatty! Raiden LOL!” Like how the gameplay is borderline broken considering that all you ever have to do is headshot the retarded guards with your silenced pistol the moment you walk into a room. I probably would've enjoyed that longer version a lot more even if it was flat. EmP felt the same way despite never playing it. He didn't like how you say the talking arm is only 5% of what is wrong, then ignore the other 95%. He also thought even with the “oh shit, I forgot to bash the game” ending it still read like an 8/10. The writing is great, it just doesn't even come remotely close to saying what you want it to say. Sorry. 58/48.

Crazyreyn: Cannon Fodder

This was probably the surprise of the contest, at least for me. I've never read any of your reviews before and then after reading this I agreed with EmP that you should review more, haha. It made me want to give the game a try, and EmP liked the Sensible Soccer name-drop since apparently that's a rad game too. Neither of us has much to say in particular, it was just a great and enthusiastic review that really made its point well. The Rambo with ants line rocked, and the gravestones thing sounded cool. Possible nitpicks... it could have used an example or two of those puns, and also a final proofread for typos. Still, you took a basic game and ran with it. Great shit. 89/87.

Credit Card: Appleseed

This was one of the few we really split on, EmP found it a solid read and though I hate to be the bastard judge for once, it completely rubbed me the wrong way. The lines like calling certain anime fans dolts made it feel more akin to a 4chan troll post in my head, like timrod amplified tenfold, though the analysis itself isn't bad. The “I'm too lazy to dodge that shit” when it came to bullets struck me the wrong way too. EmP, on the other hand, thought it was a good way to show that the game just isn't dangerous enough, that you're simply too lazy to dodge the bullets. He doesn't disagree that the writing is a bit juvenile, but he thought that it worked and that this was an effective enough bash. Maybe I'd agree if only it were toned down a bit, go check out my AWFUL Contra Advance review (if I haven't taken it down, but it's probably up on GameFAQs still) if you want to see where that sort of thing leads you. 59/72.

Dagoss: Gleylancer

Didn't know what to expect since I've never read any of your reviews before, but I liked this one a lot, it was a light and entertaining read that made its point really well. Personally your use of strikeouts was awesome and made me chuckle every time, though EmP thought you overdid it. If there's anything I myself would pick it, it's that it feels like it's running out of steam toward the end, and EmP thought the same thing. As if you finished up writing and then went “oh shit, I forgot to talk about graphics and sound!” even though you really don't have to (and those 1337ness/cat lines were clunkers too :P). The information isn't useless or anything, but would be better worked into the bulk of the review than kind of tacked on at the end. EmP also thought it dragged in places, as in you made your point and then instead of moving on, kept running it into the ground. Still, I liked this one a lot and though not as much, EmP enjoyed it too. 83/76.

One other thought, in chat excerpt form:

bluberry: "racist" should be xenophonic
bluberry: *xenophobix
bluberry: *xenophobic
bluberry: FUCK THIS KEYBOARD

Darketernal: Shadowrun

The third of the three pleasant surprises. This one was a great read, it was funny (who doesn't have a gnome fetish?) and really made me want to give Shadowrun a try. You balance the good with the bad perfectly and I can totally see why it got an 8/10, and considering I didn't mind the grinding in No More Heroes very much, I definitely want to give this game a shot. What kept you from edging out Leroux on my card was occasional bits of awkward writing (that “All in all” should have been a “But” or something). What kept you from it on EmP's was that he knows more about the game and thought you needed to discuss the fantasy elements a bit more, which I can see, since your review didn't even give me the impression that there were any. Still, I really liked this one. 90/91.

Espiga: Namco x Capcom

EmP likes that you tackled a big, complex game in a week where so many whiners couldn't do anything with much simpler fare in two months. Anyway, this was solid, not either of our favorites but a good look at the game that I would've been happy to come across if I was looking to know about the game. We each had issues—I thought you made the lack of character diversity sound worse than you meant to, EmP wanted to hear more about how the tie-ins actually worked in the story—but it told us what it needed to and made parts of it like the way the combat works compared to other SRPGs sound really cool. Like, if they were tied into the plot of if it was more "Look, by the bush -- it's a Chun Li! Throw the pokeball!" The Nippon Ichi comparison was a bit lost on me, but I can't complain since it wouldn't be to anybody in this game's target audience. Hate to skew the critique so negative though, because I really did like this. In a nutshell: good, though could have been fleshed out further. 79/80.

Leroux: R-Shark

-5 for EmP bashing. Prototypical Leroux, but prototypical Leroux is some of the best reviewing to be read. You took a very different approach to the “generic shmup” aspect of the game than Dagoss and it worked out great, mostly because you're such a good writer. If this review were any better I'd probably have to just shut up praising it and blow you. EmP pointed out that you did a good job explaining the weird bullet problem too, it would have been easy to assume that the reader understands it too soon and leave us confused but you didn't. We both had a few nitpicks—I thought “utilize” was an incredibly jarring word choice on par with me dropping “fucking shit cockers” in the middle of an otherwise seriously written piece, EmP thought the conclusion could have been stronger—but by a tiny margin, this was our favorite. Good work. 91/86.

Overdrive: Cyberdreams

-100 for admitting to IDDQD abuse. This was still a good review though, I really enjoyed reading it and we both agree you did a lot with what in retrospect might not have been the best of picks for you to write about. The Plutonia comparison was incredibly effective to me who played it, and it worked for EmP too even though he (shamefully) hasn't. He's the Doom equivalent of hipster kids with Chrome bags and fixie bikes who've never even spent a day messing. A few off bits, though, the "run, click, run, click" line stopped working once you started tacking shit onto it like "make a drink, play the next level". Still, while not the best read ever or anything, you did an effective job of explaining how this game worked and why it didn't turn out so great. Plus, props for avoiding the trap with mods where you assume familiarity, I think it's much better than my take on Alien Vendetta for that reason. -14/81.

Sportsman: STALKER

EmP is a bastard and thinks that the best thing about this review is that there's a picture of a Cacodemon from Doom in the “while you're here” window. Then you realize how much he loves Cacodemons and realize that saying this doesn't make him a bastard after all. Personally, it was representative of what I've always thought were your best and worst traits when it came to reviewing. You're good at picking apart why a game works, but sometimes have a bit of trouble transcribing it. This was one of those times to me, unfortunately. Bit disorganized, if anything, as it never felt like you had much of a reason for putting the review together the way you did—which adds up, considering you admitted to not putting much effort in. EmP thought pretty similarly about it, but also found it more formulaic than I did. He also thought that comparing something's depth to Deus Ex is a bit unfair (though I disagree if it's a game like STALKER or BioShock that's trying to be as deep). 74/60

Timrod: Umihara Kawase

Not your best, but also not your worst. I know I've said this before but I think you'd be a great reviewer if you started proofreading and also if you stopped letting yourself get carried away, but this review doesn't get carried away very much and so I like it. You're good at picking apart why games don't work, and that shows here, you took what sounded like a cool game (without calling it retarded and dumb, which would have been overdoing it) and just discussed what didn't work about it. EmP agreed, though he's a bit more underwhelmed by the roughness and gave the nod to WQ's more polished piece over this. He thought it was kind of disjointed and occasionally clunky... or, in other words, that you really just needed to proofread it again and maybe reorganize it a bit. Still, good analysis and good read. 78/70.

Usurper: Square no Tom Sawyer

I personally liked this review more than EmP did, but it still wasn't your strongest work by any means. We were tossing around words like “serviceable” and “generic” for the first part, and it was fairly informative, but incredibly dry. EmP pointed out that it felt like you were just running down what he had to run down to get a tourney pick in. I'm more inclined to not mind that sort of thing, but I'd definitely agree; most of the review felt like you were going through the motions, particularly with lines like “characters are large and detailed; settings are luscious and imaginative.” I liked the bit at the end myself, but he thought it was superfluous and overdone, and that it got in the way of talking about the game itself. Anyway, while this is one of the few we split on, we'd both certainly agree that you've done and can do better. 68/52.

Vorty: Zaxxon Motherbase 2000

Not bad. The jokes on this were good, though you've always had good ones (Viking dating service still cracks me up). Anyway, while I didn't mind it and thought it made its points fairly well, it read incredibly rough to me—I feel bad saying this since I know you've always kind of struggled with it seeming like you don't care even though you do, but to be honest it still just reads like you, you know, don't care. Things like, as EmP pointed out, some word over-use, or that triple question mark. He agreed about the cleverness but was also more bothered by the roughness. Still, as a review it does its job and it's a pretty good read, so it's not like I'm knocking it or anything. Solid effort. 75/73.

Wolfqueen: Musashi no Bouken

Good job, buddy. Research impresses EmP, just like Sportsman (Was it? Could've been Vorty.) researching the fact that vikings were also farmers way back. To me, this review was informative but a bit dry; I'm sure I've let on when giving you feedback on a couple of your other reviews that your writing can strike me as a bit too formal at times, or just a bit awkward in places. Still, it did its job of actually telling us about the game better than some other masterfully written pieces have (sorry, Cairo) so I can't be at all harsh on it. EmP agreed almost entirely, though thought you could have played up the wackiness you mention a bit better, and also that you shouldn't have fixed the breast/beast typo. Because he is a pervert. 78/73.



FINAL TALLY!

Just kidding, OD and Leroux.

1.) Leroux (91 + 91 = 182)
2.) Darketernal (90 + 91 = 181)
3.) Reyn (89 + 87 = 176)
4.) Ben (84 + 84 = 168)
5.) Overdrive (86 + 81 = 167)
6.) Dagoss/Espiga TIE (83 + 76 = 159)/(79 + 80 = 159)
8.) Wolfqueen (78 + 73 = 151)
9.) BigCJ (75 + 75 = 150)
10.) Timrod/Vorty TIE (78 + 70 = 148)/(75 + 73 = 148)
12.) Sportsman (74 + 60 = 134)
13.) Credit Card (59 + 72 = 131)
14.) Usurper (68 + 52 = 120)
15.) Cairo (58 + 48 = 106)



Thanks to everybody who participated, as I alluded to in a couple of the critiques there were some nice surprises here. Particularly, at least to me, Dagoss, Reyn, and Darketernal. Sorry to my pals. Apparently EmP is a better friend if Ben and Darketernal are vying for the lead and the only guy I know to even crack my top five is OD.

Finally, she may be over 50 but Siouxsie Sioux is a hottie and I would let her do terrible things to me. Just putting that out there.

-boo

yamishuryou posted August 04, 2008:

Consider it's boobius I'm 88% sure the typo was deliberate.

yamishuryou posted August 04, 2008:

My last topic got deleted by Venter's coding. It was supposed to be forever =(

In any case, I'm working on Top Spin 3 Wii, which is my first project in like, 2 years?

drella posted August 04, 2008:

I'd like to thank myself, and solely myself, simply because my game was really lame. The -least- the judges could have done was let me win. Seriously, they handicapped me with a Korea only release. KOREA. I hate both these men.

Perhaps I'd have some nice words for the competition, but there was never a link topic, so I really don't know what the fuck I beat. But good work anyway!

Suskie posted August 04, 2008:

At first I thought "resluts" was a typos until I looked closely, and realized Boo was the one you posted it.

Congrats to those who scored well, and my apologies once again for dropping out. I'll probably wind up reviewing Fahrenheit anyway just for kicks.

overdrive posted August 04, 2008:

Thanks for the critiques and I'm fairly pleased with getting fifth out of 15, especially since I only spent enough time with this game to get a fair grasp on what it's about (ie: using level skip codes to see most of them and little more outside the first few) and then playing Doom wads I like to wash the taste of that one out of my mouth.

johnny_cairo posted August 04, 2008:

It kind of feels like half a review doesn't it? Pawning off the project was kind of a dick move but I've gotta admire how you killed like three birds with one stone.

jerec posted August 05, 2008:

Sorry about the no show. I guess it just isn't time for my SUPER AWESOME COMEBACK review. God, I don't know how I used to play Jedi Knight with a freaking mouse and keyboard. It was impossible when I tried to play it a month ago.

overdrive posted August 05, 2008:

That might be true, but I don't know. Like I'd told you before, Cybers are kind of boring for me -- even if you have to find inventive ways to kill them and I think even the most innovatively designed level in that wad would have been horrifically tedious for me after playing any number of other ones. I started skipping through the levels after I'd gotten through the first three, started the fourth (where there's a Cyber on a ledge and you have to run up a few seperated platforms to get to a switch or something) and realized I just couldn't do this game straight-up (or as straight-up as IDDQD permits) anymore.

bluberry posted August 05, 2008:

Reyn: nah man, just when you mentioned that the level names were all puns or something along those lines, it would have worked in your favor to toss in an example or two.

OD: fair enough, I've certainly said my piece on Cyberdemon abuse before. I think I'm ready to go ahead and call Hell Revealed shit, that "cream of the crap" comment I left with my Alien Vendetta rating is looking more and more true by the pwad.

darketernal posted August 06, 2008:

Thanks to Boo for the ranking and Emp for stabbing me in the back and taking that one, precious point away from me.

Still, good show.

darkstarripclaw posted August 07, 2008:

Thank you for the critique and placement (even though my review was technically posted on the 26th!). I will try looking a bit at adding in a bit of the positive stuff for the review.

dagoss posted August 08, 2008:

(Tsk, typos!)

Darkstarripclaw's review must be really good to be included for the wrong week! Wolfqueen's review is excellent (as usual); it hits all the right points without doing anything flashy or needless.

Three of the four featured reviews currently on the front page are mine. That's -- kind of strange.

EmP posted August 08, 2008:

If it were up to me, Suskie(and it kinda is!) I would replace the third place. You wouldn' want Mr. Claw popping up again in the previous RotW when it gets penned.

dagoss posted August 08, 2008:

(The consistency of the error perplexes me...)

bloomer posted August 08, 2008:

Hey thanks Masters. As I contribute more I'm trying to get back into the habit of coming to the forums more, too.

wolfqueen001 posted August 09, 2008:

I think he means that you called it "review of the day" instead of week.

Congrats to the winners, though, and thanks for at least mentioning me.

EmP posted August 09, 2008:

Us oldies have all done that at one time or another. Back in "the day", there was a GameFAQS feature we used to run know as Review of the Day. It was exactly what it sounds it was.

Masters posted August 09, 2008:

A simple "I think you mean 'week', not 'day'" would have sufficed, and would surely have been more useful than the smart ass remarks which came instead.

Masters posted August 09, 2008:

No problem. I dunno if I did RotW here before--I can't remember. But back in ye olde GameFAQs days, there was a time when I did RotD everyday. Damn, I guess it's hard to shake. :T

disco1960 posted August 11, 2008:

3D Pinball: Space Cadet

I will start with my most awesome.

bluberry posted August 11, 2008:

good luck, your readers have never been able to.

uh, I mean, congrats to the runners-up! but fuck the winner.

overdrive posted August 11, 2008:

Lufia: The Ruins of Lore

This is my pick unless I change it. Which I might. I'm indecisive, but just wanted something up in case I forget about this tomorrow while I'm totally swamped at work and wind up with EmP "randomly" picking something of mine that sucks, just so he can gloat over my foolishness.

overdrive posted August 11, 2008:

Getting ready to get back into it now. You start with the mancubi and then the cacos when you push the switch in the courtyard. Then you go to the yellow key room where you get teleported all over the place. I'm at a dead end, but have a switch that opens a door or operates a lift for five seconds or whatnot. I just have to figure out where what it operates is, as the map isn't helping me.

The yellow key room is very nicely done. It's in a little box in the middle, but off the ground. You enter the box, you get teleported. Hitting switches opens sides of the box and you get teleported somewhere else depending on what side you enter the box. Now if I can just solve the fucker....

overdrive posted August 11, 2008:

I finished that part of the level. To call it complicated would be an understatement. I'd have liked it if not for all the speed-running to get to places quickly before doors close, as playing with a keyboard like I do makes that sort of thing tougher than it needs to be. Have other things to do tonight, so I haven't finished the level, but I hope the rest is less "puzzley".

bluberry posted August 11, 2008:

playing Doom with just the keyboard is like playing Guilty Gear with PS2's analog stick. it just ain't the same, man. you'll be a UV/NM pro like me if you make the change, I highly recommend it.

EmP posted August 12, 2008:

I am a man of great honour. Everything will be done fairly until it suits my agenda to cheat.

dragoon_of_infinity posted August 12, 2008:

Within a Deep Forest

EmP posted August 12, 2008:

Beli has an hour extension before the dreaded RANPICK hits. The other two matches are now open for votes.

EDIT: Beli's time is up. His RANPICK is live.

BELISARIOS posted August 12, 2008:

You actually picked the review I was going to choose! Good going, my friend!

dagoss posted August 12, 2008:

Disco vs. Dragoon of Infinity
WINNER: Disco

Disc's game is a hard sale right from the start, being one of the through-away games that came with Windows. I'm not sure I was really sold on it in the end, and the cheesy space jokes didn't always pan out, but it is still clear and concise. I think your biggest problem was simply the choice of game. Dragoon's review started out well, but didn't flow. I caught a few typos and there were some unintuitive sentence structures that forced me to pause a few times. I also left Dragoon's review with several questions about the game, like the role of traits (were the a bonus feature? Integrated into level design? What?). Overall, it was choppy. To be honest, I didn't like either of these reviews; I've chosen what is a mediocre review for a mediocre game, rather than a mediocre review for a game that didn't have to trap the writer in said mediocrity. Really, it could go either way.

Overdrive vs Beli
WINNER: Overdrive

First off, Overdrive, Atlus only published your game; you should be blaming Taito instead. That's really the only problem I had with OD's review. It was informative yet bitchy; conversational yet skilled. It hit most every point that needed to be made and provided enough information in a way that was enjoyable to read. Beli's review, while good, had too much fluff and not enough review. There's one sudden transition that made me think a paragraph is missing. I got "unfair" and "bad controls" out of this review , but not much else; in fact, I don't even know what type of game it is, which suggests that this review needs a lot more substance.

Genj vs Viridian Moon
WINNER: Genj

Despite the low score, Genj clearly had fun with his/her game (or at least the review part of it). Were this a different game, this mocking style might have come across as superfluous, but you really used the game's negative features to your advantage. Some of the minor tangets were a bit of a miss with me, but they never felt out of place, and it never felt like you were trying too hard to be witty. Viridian's review was also good, but it was on the dry side. It had a very unenthusiastic tone, which isn't a good thing considering the perfect score you gave your game. It felt like you were just going through the motions, so to speak.

Genj posted August 12, 2008:

Disco vs Doi
Surprisingly I have familiarity with both of these here games. Space Cadet came packaged with my 90's era Compaq (lol)and one time I saw my roommate play Within a Deep Forest and said to him "What the fuck is this you're playing? Well at least it's not that Maple Story shit." Reviewing a pinball game is a big gamble - it's not immediately an enticing read, but if you can sell it, then you've done an outstanding job. Unfortunately I wasn't really sold on this one. It's good for a pinball review, but not enough to really combat DoI's entry. Within a Deep Forest sounds cool and different, and DoI's review demonstrates this with his love of the game. Winner: DOI

Overdrive vs Belisarios

Now I'm a big fan of JRPGs (read: nerd), but I have to say that OD's rather lengthy section of all story for what seemed like the first half of the review had me PC clocking. I think it just went on for too long to have all of it all appear first. When it got to the gameplay, it became clear why this wasn't a very good RPG. Belisarios' review is for a far simpler game and frankly a lot of the anecdotes could probably have been cut out to make the review shorter, but I liked the tone and thought it was funny. This is a close call, but I'm going with Belisarios for the more entertaining, consistent read. Winner: Belisarios

Genj vs VM

I didn't read either of these losers' reviews, so I vote for BORO!


Genj clearly had fun with his/her game

I have a penis (and was born with it!), though I can see how 'hot yaoi action' could cause confusion.

Felix_Arabia posted August 12, 2008:

Disco1960 vs. Dragoon of Infinity
Winner: Dragoon of Infinity

I liked both of these reviews, but one of them was more ambitious in subject material. That was obviously DoI’s review. As it has been stated already in this topic, pinball isn’t as invigorating as this intriguing stuff DoI covered. That doesn’t mean, however, that a pinball review couldn’t win this match or any other match, for that matter. I think if the pinball game were, for example, Devil’s Crush (which Sho reviewed, and deals with Satan) it could have stood up better. But as it stands, one good review is for a meh subject and the other good review is for an intriguing subject.

BELISARIOS vs. Overdrive
Winner: BELISARIOS

OD has written about many classics spanning a ton of consoles, and he has been one of the most consistently excellent reviewers I’ve encountered since I began doing this stuff. However, this Lufia review reads like other good OD material, and the game is bad, but not in a good way. Belisarios’ review is for a worse game, but he writes about it in a fun manner, makes his subject sound interesting despite its obvious horridness, and gets out faster than OD does.

Genjuro Kibagami vs. Viridan Moon
Winner: Genjuro Kibagami

VM is a very good reviewer who has a very commanding grasp of the English language and knows how best to utilize it when reviewing quirky PC games that I’ll never play (I own a Mac). Genjuro, specifically in this review, on the other hand, is absolutely goofy. If I weren’t familiar with either reviewer or game in question, VM would be the more credible writer for her Nethack review while Genjuro’s The Bouncer may not seem like something I’d be so ready to trust. But unfortunately for VM, I know that Genjuro tells it like it is, and he often does it in a humorous way without sacrificing the validity of his points. Plus, after reading his review, he actually intrigued me into wanting to play a bad game.

EmP posted August 13, 2008:

DISCO1960 vs. DoI

I must give props to Disco for pulling out what’s actually a very good review on such a limited game, but it’s not enough for him to edge out DoI, who picks a game that none of us have ever heard of and makes me want to play it sometime. Really, the biggest divide here was the choice in material; Disco may do a great job with what he had, but DoI allows him to be more creative, and it’s an advantage he uses well.

WINNER: DoI

Beli vs. OD

Poor OD got blindsided by a fateful RANPICK here -- justice for the early promise breaking after subbing a post-2008 review? Maybe, but the oldster still comes out swinging with a solid review. It’s easy to see that Oddy’s review shares the most information about the game while Beli’s fine effort is the more amusing read. His review makes great use of in-game snapshots to boarder a goofy review that I enjoyed a great deal. OD is more ambitious, but Beli’s explains his game just as well with charm to spare.

WINNER: BELI

Genj vs. VM.

Both these reviews make me want to play the games in question, just for other reasons. Genj’s laid-back affair does a fantastic job of taking apart a game universally mocked, while Veems take a title made by people nerdier than us. Genj’s review is lively, but he attacks an easy target, while VM’s actually makes me want to play a game comprised of nothing but ASCII art with some clever examples. I think this is her third or forth rewriting of the review -- leave it alone, already!

WINNER: VM

wolfqueen001 posted August 13, 2008:

Wow. This took off well after all. Good considering no one votes for anyoone else's ideas. >_>

Anyway, I'll try to get feedback in sometime within the week... maybe... I've been kind of busy/distracted lately.

BELISARIOS posted August 13, 2008:

disco1960 vs. dragoon_of_infinity

I can empathize with disco1960 since I have written a bunch of short reviews for silly little games. None of them have been for pinball, I don't think, but I can see myself myself writing about it someday. DOI's review is the overall stronger piece of the two, though. DOI wins.

genj vs. viridian_moon

I laughed when I read genj's review. I didn't laugh when I read VM's review. However, her review was very good and definitely was the more professional sounding piece. But I can't say that I necessarily prefer that style (look at the way I write, friends!) to humorous or campy writing. It was a close match for me, but I'm going to have to go with genj on this one. Genj wins.

BELISARIOS vs. overdrive

I liked both of these reviews, but I forgot how to use the voting machine for this match.

JANUS2 posted August 13, 2008:

WINNER: DOI
This was a tough decision. Disco's writing is stronger, and he has the best line (xenomorphs can smell that), but it wasn't a terribly exciting read. DoI, on the other hand, reviewed a more interesting title and did so with obvious enthusiasm. However, his writing was baffling in places: "it's at once calming like the forest you're in, and a reminder of the bomb."???? I'm going to go for DoI, though. Despite the inconsistent writing, his enthusiasm made the review a more interesting read that disco's.

WINNER: OVERDRIVE
This was another tough decision! Overdrive wrote the better review, but Beli had him beaten in the entertainment stakes. Bash reviews that are heavy on the sarcasm tend to merge together after you've read enough of them, but I thought belisaroars's succeeded in finding a fresh approach. His review was funny and scathing but without being over-sarcastic. However, I have to give OD the win. His review was more thorough: the bit about Eldin's father was priceless and the observation about not wanting to carry on after losing 70,000 worth of equipment was spot on. These were the sort of insights that made it the stronger review for me.

WINNER: VIRIDIAN MOON
The new Batman film is awesome. Viridian Moon's review was my favourite of the whole round. I thought it was really impressive. She has this knack for making a game sound really special without saying "this game is really special". I can't really put my finger on how she does this, but I think it probably has something to do with the flawless writing. She doesn't resort to hyperbole, instead delivering a subtle and endearing account of her love for NetHack that culminates with the last two paragraphs. And this is an ASCII RPG! Genj's effort was very strong too. The jokes in the intro hit the mark but he's good enough to realise that humour can't carry the whole thing. His analysis of the Bouncer is thoughtful and convincing. I would have picked him over any of the other reviews.

disco posted August 13, 2008:

Game: Bangai-O Spirits
Platform(s): DS
Publisher: D3
Developer: Treasure
Genre: Shooter
Release Date: 8/12/08

Added.

disco posted August 13, 2008:

Game: Windy x Windam
Platform(s): DS
Publisher: Success
Developer: Success
Genre: 2D Fighting
Release Date: 7/31/2008 (Japan only)

Added.

espiga posted August 13, 2008:

Game: Fire Emblem: Shin Ankoku Ryuu to Hikari no Ken (New Dark Dragon and the Sword of Light)
Platform: DS
Developer: Intelligent Systems
Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Strategy RPG
Release Date: August 7, 2008 (JP)
Additional Details: An enhanced remake of the first Fire Emblem game for Famicom, features additional character and chapters, etc.

Added.

drella posted August 13, 2008:

Will judge OD/Beli later, but I don't know when this voting closes, so I wanted to get something in.

DoI d. disco- Generally, half of tournament competition is picking the right material. Windows pack-ins usually don't work too well and neither do pinball games; the fact is there's just not a lot of room expand unless you're a really talented writer. Disco's Space Cadet Pinball isn't bad... it starts with a lot of promise. It -should- be a lot duller than this, but for some reason I felt immediately open to hearing his argument. But by the end it starts to fall into very basic descriptions of the game that do very little, and it becomes fairly dull. And it's easy to fall into that trap when you pick a game like this. DoI countered with a simple game also -- Within a Deep Forest -- but makes it feel beautiful and elegant and worth playing. It doesn't fall into the trap of explaining its simplicity; it's simplicity is understood, and the review goes beyond to show the emotion that simplicity captures. Or something. Overall, there's a lot more substance to DoI's as far as perspective even if the games are almost equally simple. A good match to learn from.

Mint d Genj - Genj's review is uneven, at least from my point of view, because it represents him at his best, his mediocre and his worst. The beginning wonderfully introduces this goofy game, mockingly describing the main character without immediately condemning the title. The sarcasm here works great. It treads into meh, generic descriptions of the combat; it works, but I think a lot of this has been dully noted before, and similarly to boot. And then it sort of falls apart into a rambling slew of fucks and gay jokes and poorly built comparisons (The Bouncer is compared to MGS, three Final Fantasies, two arcade beat 'em ups, an FMV game and two brawler series... and few of these name drops accomplish much). This kind of stuff probably makes for humorous AIM conversations, but I don't like it's translation into a review. The yaoi tangent is "hip internet culture columnist" shenanigans when the review could be taking the time to better show Final Fight has more substance than The Bouncer, a glancing point that I just didn't buy after reading this. And I love Final Fight. Following in the DoI/disco approach, Mint takes a very simple game and attaches emotion. It's a very convincing argument, grabbing examples as necessary to make its points and ultimately selling an incredibly tough sell, a dungeon crawling MS-DOS relic. The review is trying to do more and does more; it not only has to convince me to play the game, but it has a greater uphill battle to paint a picture of what the game actually is. I think it does that and I would have loved to see this matched up directly against DoI's.

dagoss posted August 13, 2008:

A competent person would pick a review that won RotW or something.

Since I'm not competent, here's Etrian Odyssey!

dragoon_of_infinity posted August 13, 2008:

Disco vs. DoI

EmP said that this contest is all about laziness, so I just skipped this match.

Winner: Lethargy

Beli vs. OD

I have to say, at first glance the screenshots in Beli's review turned me off to it quite a bit. It seemed almost too intrusive and overbearing. But the rest of the review is so charming and the last screen shot ties it all together so well that by the time I finished it I didn't mind. Major points for overturning a first impression like that. OD's review is solid, I came out of it convinced that this particular entry in the Lufia series trips over itself in a lot of ways. However, for every well made point that I nodded my head to in OD's review, I grinned in Beli's. That's gotta mean something.

Winner: Beli

VM vs. Genj

I'm trying to figure out how to say this without being too derivative, and failing. Genj's review is more amusing, to be sure. VM's is more 'solid'. Everyone's already said this. Genj's review seems to fall apart near the end. It starts off very well. It maintains its steam through the middle, and then just drops the ball at the end. I wouldn't say it ever got bad, really. But I think that by the time it descends into talk about yaoi, the point was lost. VM's review is much more consistent. It's strong throughout and solidly displays love for a game. Even a strange one. At the end of the day, Genj's review makes me convinced that I was right to not buy a bad game, and it does so in a mostly entertaining fashion. That's wonderful in its own way. VM's review, on the other hand, makes me want to play a game that I've played before, but given up on. Suddenly, falling down a random pit onto a cocatrice corpse sounds almost pleasant, instead of something that makes me want to snap my keyboard over my knee.

Winner: VM

dagoss posted August 14, 2008:

I just revised my review substantially. It probably won't save it though.

EmP posted August 14, 2008:

It's more or less when I think we're not going to gather more feedback without an abnormal wait. But I'm keen to keep things running smoothly.

EDIT: Voting is open now on Janus/Dagoss and Suskie/Ben

Genj posted August 14, 2008:

JANUS over dagoss:

My synapses were really firing in this one (yes, that's a nod to Bloomer). Two positive reviews for DS games I want to play. Janus' was packed with exquisite description of the action and enemies as well as intelligent observation on how the stylus is handled by developers. Dagoss makes me want to play Etrian Odyssey, but the silly letter gimmick kinda ruins it for me. I got a good enough explanation of the game, but reading all the "will feature," "we put" and so on was too awkward compared to Janus' smooth descriptions.


Suskie over Ben

I'm personally a little glad Suskie didn't finish his Portal review because I'm sick of hearing about Portal. Suskie knows how to make games sound cool or especially sucky. His COD4 is an interesting enough read in why the game deserves its hype, though I'm skeptical that plot twists stay with you for a long time (maybe I'm just a heartless bastard who doesn't care about polygonal men). I judged Ben's review last year. I'm tempted to just copy and paste what I wrote last time but that would be evil. It's an interesting enough review but goes a little too quick after the horror elements are over and done with. I found myself liking suskie's thorough descriptions of war a lot more.

EmP posted August 14, 2008:

WQ has been RANPICK'd. All rounds now open for votes.

shotgunnova posted August 14, 2008:

Finished Gears of War after rewriting the last eighth from memory (stupid laptop!). Probably Legaia stuff again...unless the wind changes, haha.

drella posted August 15, 2008:

dagoss d Janus -- It's wonderful to see Janus back and Ninja Gaiden DS is reminiscent of the Janus of old. The focus is on the implementation of the stylus and Janus establishes without a doubt that Dragon Sword is incredible at its innovative combat system. I don't own a DS, but of all it's titles I'd probably be most interested in seeing this one in action, because a classic series like this with this kind of implementation sounds great on paper. Janus convinces it's even better in action. I suppose one of my few complaints is that I read some of this before with Suskie's NG: DS, and his piece stuck in my mind as a great review, and going only from memory I don't think this tops it. I'm pretty sure I would have given dagoss the win anyway simply because he nails his game. It's a beautifully charming breezy read with a creative approach that speaks directly to it's target audience. Moreover, most complaints about this game a person would raise are justified as homages or quirks -- it's target audience would likely see them as such. In a lot of praise reviews they'd go unrecognized, yet here they're convincingly argued to make the game better. And yet this is such an easy going piece no one is arguing at all. Atlus couldn't promote this game better. Even when the review sounds somewhat awkward, it only comes across as more charming. This is the kind of spirited review an author only comes up with once in a while, and dagoss is at the most impressive I've seen him here. Really good match.

Suskie d. Ben -- This is a Sherlock Holmes game and Ben is complaining that Watson isn't providing helpful advice? Have you read the books? But the review itself is okay -- not a huge fan of tentacle equipped killer vaginas, and the goofiness of stuff like this takes away from the serious, gruesome theme the review otherwise tries to present. Also, it's not as ambitious a title. Suskie's Call of Duty 4 is great, probably one of the best FPS reviews I've read. Starting by describing the opening was somewhat of a tired device but it leads well into the rest of the review, which makes strong points and makes the game seem very appealing for its deviations from standard fair.

(more here later)

overdrive posted August 15, 2008:

JANUS vs. DAGOSS
Tough one to start out with. For a while, I really liked Dagoss' unique reviewing style here, as the love letter concept was a neat way to emphasize how first-person dungeon crawlers are a RPG sub-genre that's only for the hardcore RPGer (hell, I'm an RPG junkie and I can only stomach doing one of these every so often!). And you did a great job of effortlessly putting tons of factual info in with the more "cutesy" writing style. But, as the review went on, the appeal seemed to dissapate a bit and some of the "lovey" comments seemed a bit forced and awkward. Janus doesn't have any real weaknesses in his review. I loved how you came right out and mentioned how many developers haven't figured out how to do anything useful with the stylus, but this game is different and then you go on to explain just how you're expected to use it in this game. And you do a very nice job of explaining how the shortness of the game could actually be a positive, instead of a negative. Very good review that gets my vote by a slim margin.
WINNER: JANUS

BEN vs. SUSKIE
Ben's review starts out very strong, with the decapitated body w/ serpents coming out paragraph having me hooked. But after you mentioned that was a highlight of the game and things went downhill from there in the game, they also seemed to go downhill in your review. Maybe it was the adventure game subject matter that didn't interest me or maybe it was just that you didn't have the same enthusiasm for that subject matter when it came time to talk about its failings, but the second half of this one just didn't live up to the first half. And "Mainstream" probably wasn't the opponent to have that problem with because that was one hell of a Call of Duty review. I could probably go on for a while with all sorts of adjectives praising this one. A quick, energetic read that left no doubt in my mind this game kicks all kinds of ass. I really liked how you cleverly dismissed the possible concerns about the game being short (by saying it gave more thrills than most 50 hour games) and linear (by noting it's so intense you don't even think about the barriers preventing you from "exploring" because you have a job to do). Just an excellent review, in my mind.
WINNER: SUSKIE

WOLFQUEEN vs. BLU
The perils of random picks. Sometimes they work out really well for you (YOU ACCURSED SON OF A CAMEL, BELISARIOS!!!!! I WILL GET REVENGE!!!!!) and sometimes they don't. I was actually surprised to see you'd done this review only a couple months ago as it didn't seem to have the same flow that your reviews I've read and liked do. Sportsman once mentioned to me something along the lines that when I'm on, my reviews are as good as anyone's, but I also have a lot where it's obvious that I'm just writing to write something and it shows in the quality. And that's almost the impression I got here. You wanted to write about the game, but nothing really clicked. Like, for example, you mention the stealth segment with Frodo and the Ringwraith's is the toughest part of the game, but are really vague on exactly why that's so hard. Is it a long stealth level? Is it really unforgiving? As for Blu, I critiqued this one for MY COMPETITION, which you won. I gave you a 91. My comments still stand. Funny review for a horrible game.
WINNER: BLU

Suskie posted August 15, 2008:

Thanks! For what it's worth, I liked your review a lot as well which is why I was so careful in choosing my entry.

Felix_Arabia posted August 15, 2008:

Yet another letter has been tallied.

dagoss posted August 15, 2008:

Dagoss vs. Janus
Winner: n/a

Clearly I took a risk using this review. Perhaps I should have played it safer. Or maybe used more sexual inuendo. At least I got feedback for it now.

Ben vs Suskie
Winner: Suskie

Ben's review actually starts out a lot better. Suskie's first paragraph utilizes a tatctic that is really beneath him, and his second paragraph prattles on about the obvious, which happened in a couple other places too. Another problem Suskie's review has is that it almost completely ignores the actual game in favor of talking about the experience and his reaction to it. That said, Suskie's prose is incredibly well put together. When the writing is of this high of a quality, the content is almost a mute point. Ben's review starts out well enough, but it feels like he's getting bored about halfway through. Also, I had to stare at the picture for a moment before I finally saw a vagina.

Wolfqueen vs Boo
Winner: Boo

I really want to give Wolfqueen a pity vote. You have several reviews that could have stood up to Boo, if only you had been able to pick one of them! Boo's review is very funny, which is considerably difficult to pull off given how humour varies from person to person. It informed me, was interesting, and kept me entertained. This was such a landslide victory that I feel obliged to offer condolences rather than justifications. I hope there is a losers bracket so WQ can exact some revenge, because we all know that this is not representative of your work.

EmP posted August 16, 2008:

JANUS vs. DAGOSS

I don’t mind Janus’ intro as much as everyone else; in fact, I think it’s a point that, even now, still needs to be made. A lot of games really do seem to shoehorn in a touch screen gimmick just because, and I want to know when a game does this. It probably tops the list of things I look for in a DS review, and I’m convinced that it’s more innovation than gimmick here. If feel this way, because Janus goes to great lengths to sell the entire game to you with solid cut-outs of the game and clever examples. I best not find this deleted in a few days, Janus -- I know where you live, now! I made this tourney for Dagoss, so I’m glad he came out swinging with a heartfelt review. If I had one complaint from my HG chums, it’s that no one really tries to write outside the box as much as they used to, so I appreciate it, even when they don’t work, when authors try to do something new. Dagoss’ effort does work. It’s clever, the complaints are mixed in with the strengths, which shows the reviewer understands the flaws, but saw them overwritten in pros and isn’t afraid to commit that to paper -- something that’s not easy to do. Just as I start to think the letter might be overbearing, a clever line like the naming of characters or the last line about the potions draw me back in. This is the toughest call I’ve made this tourney, but I feel the need to reward Dagoss’ irregular efforts. Both of you have made me head right to Ebay to buy two games I have neither the fund to purchase nor the time to play. Bastards,

WINNER: DAGOSS

BEN vs. SUSKIE

Ben knows how much I like his review; I remember helping him with it last year’s TT while I was holidaying in Ibiza. S’right, even when surrounded with intense heat and topless girls, I make time for my buds. I’m pretty sad Ben stopped reviewing for the most part because it was around the time he penned Awakened that he starting writing some frankly fantastic reviews, and this one tops the heap. The intro is great, the discrediting of the title strong and the brevity of the entire piece refreshingly light while still managing to leave no stones unturned. It could probably beat most of the reviews penned this round. Suskie’s, on the other hand, starts off clumsy, switching tenses while seemingly wanting to keep things in the harder-to-pull-off past tense. There’s numerous little quirks that poked out to bother me, like a ‘There is’ where a ‘there’s’ would have been a better call. From a technical stand-point, Ben’s review bulldozes Suskie’s. But I’m giving Suskie a very tight win, and here’s why. He spells out that CoD4 doesn’t really do a great deal differently from your standard FPS, it just does the same thing much, much better, and then he tells you why. The examples are poignant; the flashback, the difficulty, the locations -- it’s all fantastic until a depressingly weak first line in the conclusion comes along and says “I wasn’t really sure how to transition into this great idea I had to close this review, so this’ll do!” I’d say this is one of the best FPS reviews on the site, but I write FPS reviews and I don’t like to admit to being upstaged. (needs more Tank Beats Communists)

WINNER: SUSKIE

WQ vs. Boo

I’ll tell you why I like WQ’s review. She approaches everything like it’s a tourney piece and she wants it to be her very best, and I appreciate it. While my RANPICK wasn’t as kind to her as it was to Beli’s (sorry!), it’s still a competent review, and one that really did make me want to re-draft a review that Venter’s coding nuked from the face of the earth (coming soon!) This review isn’t one of her best, and I’m sure she’d have picked a different one if she was able, but it’s very competent. There’s parts where it gets a little listy (such as the run-down of the character’s abilities) but you justify your score and you tell us what works and what does not. But, I’ll tell you, too, why I like Boo reviews; because he steals all my lines and passes them off as his own writes the reviews Jason won’t let me. I may not have bought PO’ed like his intro tells you I was meant to, but I know exactly why I would think it sucks, and he’s squeezed all that in between some funny writing that drips with personality. It’s a wonderful review in a tone I demand he uses more often.

WINNER: BOO

hmd posted August 16, 2008:

Siren: Blood Curse
Playstation 3
Sony
Japan Team
Survival Horror/Stealth (TACTICAL ESPIONAGE ACTION)
July 24, 2008

Everyday Shooter
Playstation 3
Sony
Queasy Games
Arena Shooter
October 11, 2007

Pixeljunk Eden
Playstation 3
Sony
Q-Games
Platformer/Puzzle
July 31, 2008

Added all three.

wolfqueen001 posted August 16, 2008:

Thanks dagoss, but as humiliated as I feel right now, I'd rather not receive pity votes. I appreciate honesty more than sympathy when deciding whose is better.

Thanks, EmP. Maybe I'll stop sulking now, hut really, when you (meaning me) get hammered twice in a row like this (contest wise, I mean), it really takes a toll on your confidence. I started doubting whether my recent stuff was really all that great after all, despite what RotW and other commentary might say. And despite knowing full well that this piece is old(er) and nothing really special to begin with and that it might not represent me the way I wanted it to. Ugh.

dagoss posted August 16, 2008:

Hey, there was only an 8 point difference between you and me in that other tournament. I thought I put a decent effort into that one too.

You know you're a good reviewer, so don't let it get you down. And if it does get you down, then you should pick a shitty game to review and really go to town on it. (Seriously.)

shotgunnova posted August 16, 2008:

How long did it take you for Radiata?

Genj posted August 16, 2008:

Bluberry over Wolfqueen

This isn't one of the stronger reviews from WQ, but I like Boo's review a lot anyway. Everyone else said a lot of the same stuff I would have said and I doubt echoing it would be very helpful.

honestgamer posted August 16, 2008:

It's my turn this week and there were a lot of reviews to read through, but look how timely my topic is. See how much I love you?

The usual rules apply: no staff reviews and only one review will be mentioned from any particular author. Here goes!

---

Runner Up Number 2: Castlevania (N64) by dagoss

What I liked about this review was the way it went right into the main thesis, that the game is cheating the player out of a great experience. There were some compelling arguments, such as the bit about not letting you see the end if you play on 'Easy' mode and the comments about having to play through twice because the experience as each selectable character differs substantially. Comments like that are persuasive on multiple levels, both because they talk to my own interests when I play a game and because they show that the person writing the review 'gets it' and is worth listening to when he makes other points. I liked how this review established other points, too, and the end of the reviw with its throw-away comment on skeletons on motorcycles was also a good way to bring things to a close because it ended with something that sounds so random yet still manages to feel typical of the game that has just been reviewed. I've probably made a mess out of my efforts to explain why I liked this review, but there you have it.

Runner Up Number 1: PilotWings 64 (N64) by Felix_Arabia

I've never played PilotWings 64 and I've never read any reviews of it that I recall. With my fresh pair of eyes, I came to this review not particularly expecting much (because, after all, one reason that I never played the game is that it never conjured up any interest from me). By the time I was partway into the review, I felt almost as if I were playing--and loving--the game. The enthusiasm behind many of the descriptions is infectious and I really got a feel for why this game was rated so highly at the end of the text. There were a lot of nice touches throughout that accomplished that--almost like the N64 flag the text referenced--so I won't point to one but instead will say lazily that it was all pretty good stuff.

Review of the Week: Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword (DS) by JANUS2

I've commented on this review elsewhere, so I'll keep my thoughts here brief. Basically, this review took a potentially difficult point to sell--that the game is better for having appeared on the DS platform--and then proceeded to do so with apparent ease. The descriptions were great and the writing strong, plus the logic made sense and connected things together well. The review was both interesting and informative, too. That never hurts. Good going!

---

Thanks to all who participated this week, and I hope that you'll put forth similar effort next week to keep EmP busy. See you next time!

bluberry posted August 16, 2008:



apparently I'm a strung out ghost who loves cereal--which makes no sense since I'm still alive, prefer pussy drugs like weed and acid to anything else, and wake up too late to eat breakfast.

Felix_Arabia posted August 17, 2008:

Thanks for the mention, Jason. You should always expect something when you enter a Felix Arabia review. ;)

Congrats to Janus and Dagoss. Both reviews were great.

dagoss posted August 18, 2008:

I tallied up the votes thus far:

Janus - 6
vs
Dagoss - 7

Ben - 2
vs
Suskie - 11

Wolfqueen - 0
vs
Bluberry - 10

EDIT: Now with 100% more Wolfqueen votes.

wolfqueen001 posted August 18, 2008:

Thanks, guys. I know you're right. Sorry for making you read all that, but I guess I just get a bit flustered sometimes. I'm over it now, in any case. I'll try to get feedback on this round, especially since one of them is tied.

Suskie posted August 18, 2008:

Any word on when stage three starts?

EmP posted August 18, 2008:

Voting is still open on Stage Two, but it’s time to start the ball rolling on the third phase. The match-ups are as follows:







Felix vs. DE







Will vs. EmP







HG vs. Cairo



I will go over the 24hour rule a little as weekends tend to be deader time on HG for posts, but not by a great deal. Do no test my patience!

WilltheGreat posted August 18, 2008:

Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance

EmP posted August 18, 2008:

CLOSED

Janus - 6
vs
Dagoss - 7

Ben - 2
vs
Suskie - 11

Wolfqueen - 0
vs
Bluberry - 10

JANUS2 posted August 19, 2008:

hey, thank you!

EmP posted August 19, 2008:

The first two matches are open to votes now. The third will be as soon as Cario posts or exceeds his time limit.

Suskie posted August 19, 2008:

Felix vs. DE

"D W," eh? Anyway. These are both good reviews from a couple of writers whose work I've consistently enjoyed in the short time I've been here. Felix finds the right thesis and gets off to a smooth start, but I think it's interesting that his main selling point for the game is its wealth of gorgeous cinematics, yet I know virtually nothing about the story now that I've read the review. That's why I'm giving the very slight edge to DE on this one. His Indy review manages to appeal to someone who isn't even interested in this type of game (i.e. me), and the whole thing reads a little more smoothly and makes all of the necessary points without dragging on for too long. An ever-so-slightly more accessible read. Winner: DE

Will vs. EmP

This is a tough one because, honestly, I wasn't a fan of either of these reviews. Will makes me nervous early on with a wholly unnecessary opening paragraph telling us how much of an RTS expert he is and how excited he was to get Jason's copy of Supreme Commander. Then he follows it up with the biggest cringe-inducer of the tourney so far: "Onto the review." Argh! That's one of the worst amateur GameFAQs cliches I can think of. From there, I found the extensive SupCom vocabulary (too many proper nouns!) a bit overwhelming, though I admit you certainly do seem to know what you're talking about, and how to relay that information onto the reader for their benefit. (Like mentioning how SupCom is the alleged successor to Total Annihilation. THAT got my attention.) On the other hand, I felt EmP's review was completely overblown. He's usually a fantastic writer, but this felt like someone imitating EmP, with pretentious lines like this: "Bloody shrines run red with fresh liquid while a swirling vortex of water takes centre stage." Ugh. It felt like you were more focused on enticing us with your writing abilty than informing us about Dracula: Origin, and even that didn't work, since the language is often so thick and muddled that there were a few paragraphs I had to read two or three times. I'm giving the very slight edge to Will on this one, if only because I actually got something from his. Winner: Will

Felix_Arabia posted August 19, 2008:

willthegreat vs. EmPleh
Winner: EmP

I couldn’t get into Will’s review. Besides containing portions that were off-limits to a guy like me who isn’t too knowledgeable with RTS games (combonerf? turtling? Aeon Illuminate?), the review used the taboo phrase “On with the review.” This isn’t a pay-per-view wrestling match. While someone interested in Star Commander: Forged Alliance may find this review useful (seeing as how they would be interested in the expansion, and therefore be familiar to the discussion), a review like this doesn’t work in a competition because it’s not interesting if you don’t have a clue as to what’s going on, and the material isn’t that informative since it’s jumbled and a little vague. EmP’s review, on the other hand, was pretty good and I remember telling him this back when he first wrote it. I’m also glad he changed his concluding line, because there are indeed crocodiles in Egypt. Anyway, looking at these two reviews, I see one written buy a guy who enjoys his hobby at writing while the other appears to be written by someone who’s just doing it for the sake of getting a free game that was up for “grabskis.” This match wasn’t close at all.

Venter vs. Cairo
Winner: Cairo

This was such a difficult match. Venter provides a strong-if-standard review for The Bourne Conspiracy. Cairo destroys one of my more favorite 360 games. Let me first discuss Venter's. The guy is consistent, but at times, and this is one of those times, I feel that he's just writing the review because he has to. I didn't feel the charge that I usually can sense when I read one of his works. I can't say I'm disappointed or surprised, though, seeing as how the guy writes a lot of stuff. I write a bunch of reviews and get tired, too. And while this Bourne review may be nice, it's a little too by-the-book for my taste. Cairo's review is very well written, and even though I agree with it, I still like it a ton more than he does. Also, modern-day Syria and Israel (where the game takes place) isn't Mesopotamia, which is Iraq. It's a small error, but one I nevertheless noticed. That region of the Middle East is usually called the Levant. Anyway, I'm giving my vote to Cairo because his review felt more alive than Jason's did despite the over-use of the word "douche" and the 3/10 score.

EmP posted August 19, 2008:

Blame DE! He was asking why I'd not picked yet.

Crazy foreigner.

Genj posted August 19, 2008:

Felix over DE

Ugh, bad match to be brutally honest. I too had issues with both reviews. The message to Felix's intro was interesting, but it was too long. You basically spent 3 paragraphs just to say the game had a lot of cutscenes. Felix's writing is tight and his apparently enthusiasm is infectious, but when you sit back and think about it, the game doesn't sound too appealing. So basically there's very little combat and mostly a lot of story that I won't be able to understand. Ok. DE, didn't you have anything newer to choose? We got a 2005er here - one I'm sure I had to judge last TT even. It feels like a rough, by-the-book effort too. I'll give the nod to the fresher, more enthusiastic Basted review.


Will over EmP

Hi, my name is Mike. I'm 6'2" 140lbs, starting my Masters this fall and I like long walks on the beach while listening to Japanese harsh noise music. Will, your intro stinks like my ass after I eat a whole pepperoni pizza. From there it was a very technical piece detailing the game it's an expansion to. All the RTS stuff was pretty over my head for JRPG nerd like me, though it's a workable review giving a lot of good information. EmP's review sometimes reads like fan fiction. It felt overblown and overwritten spending most of the time describing game environments and a crocodile. Puzzles then get pigeonholed into a brief paragraph at the end making it feel more like an afterthought.

Venter vs Cairo will come later. Both reviews were fantastic enough that I need to mull things over.

dagoss posted August 20, 2008:

Felix vs Darketernal
Winner: Felix
Felix wins because, to be perfectly honest, I thought Darketernal's was poorly written. There were several setences with a structure that forced me to stop and reread. In general, this review read awkwardly up until the very last sentence. I mean, "blushes?" Who uses that the describe marks from a whip? It was moments like this that really hurt this review. He or she (I hate gender pronouns!!) also claims that the way puzzles are executed are "timeless and [have] managed to age well," but considering that this is a genre notorious for aging poorly, you're going to need to be a lot more convincing.

I don't know if Felix can read Japanese, but the impression this review gave me was that he cannot. If that is the case, claims like "if there is one thing that Basted excels in, that would be its storytelling" are rather suspicious. I think if the reviewer has such a handicap, it is his or her duty to explicitly make that clear rather than leaving it ambiguious. I also had a problem wih the way he frames the review. You seem to be saying "Basted is part of those lost golden days," "games today have too much 'gliz!'" and "Basted is interesting because it has glitz," and some of those are not compatible. I think the sweeping generalizations at the beginning were overlong without contributing enough, though I can understand why you felt they were necessary. Your prose is still imecible nonetheless, and you seemed genuinely interested in your game, which is enough for me.

Will vs EmP
Winner: EmP

Will's opening paragraph reads like the type of thing one would find in a GameFAQs review. So did the brief rant in the 3rd paragraph. Once he actually gets "on with the review," I had a lot of trouble understanding what the heck he was talking about. That's probably because I never played Supreme Commander and know very little about RTS games, and I suppose this review is for people that are really into RTS titles, but that doesn't change the fact that I kept drifting off. Anway, "to wrap up," this review was too casual in tone and too esoteric in the details.

I don't really like reviews that begin with the whole present tense, right-in-the-action narrative thing, but that is usually because it is tacked on as the first paragraph before the tone awkwardly shifts to be more review-like. EmP should really be commended for staying consistent with the present tense throughout. I'm not sure I got as much as I could have about the way the game plays, but it is well-written and entertaining enough that it doesn't really matter that much.

I still don't know what the difference is between alligators and crocodiles.

Venter vs Cairo
Winner: Cairo

I think this is the hottest contention this bracket-tournament-thing has managed to create.

Cairo wins because he made an off-hand reference to Shakespeare this review made me laugh my ass off. The excessive embellishment might not be entirely fair to the game, but it is certainly fair to my sense of humor. Even if it was unrealistically negative at times, it never seemed like it was trying to take itself too seriously, a problem that many reviews suffer from when they give a popular game a low score. While I think it could flow better in some places, for the most part this nailed how one should write a bash review.

I think the problem with Venter's review is that it actually tries to sell the game too much. Any licensed game for a popular film is going to be greeted with skepticism, and the fact that the only complaint you could seem to muster was its shortness (and even that you tried to spin in the game's favor!) and this made me suspicious. It came off like someone who was trying to oversell a breakfast at Dennie's or something else that really doesn't need lavish praise, even if it is immediately satisfying. I think you did the exact opposite of Cairo in that you embellished to make the game seem more exciting than it probably is.

The fact that I'm differentiating these reviews on such subjective ground shows just how good they are, and just how close this match is. Maybe if I come back to it in a different mood, I'll be like "Hooray Venter for trying to prove that licensed games don't have to blow; Shame on Cairo for exaggerating negativity for the sake of entertainment!" Right now though, Cairo's cynicism wins the day.

Felix_Arabia posted August 20, 2008:

I'm glad that the complaints against my Basted review are mostly homogenous. Dagoss, I do not speak Japanese, but I still understood what was going on. Anyway, just for everyone to know, after this round is over, win or lose, I'm going to edit this review to elucidate on the ambiguity that you've all be kind enough to point out!

Felix_Arabia posted August 20, 2008:

I didn't take any offense to your comments. They, along with everyone else's, are very helpful.