House Number 666 (PC) review "Home spicy home"

I've checked out my share of standard fare horror games over the years, and they all play out pretty much the same. You enter an obviously haunted/cursed living space, become trapped, look for a way out, and either succeed or die trying. House Number 666 doesn't stray from that formula and certainly doesn't out-perform it brethren, and yet I find myself making special place in my heart for it, right next to terrible movies like “Spawn of the Slithis” or groan-worthy novels like John Halkin's “Slime.” This haunted house simulator accomplishes one thing its cousins haven't: it's not entirely forgettable because it oozes enough simple charm to separate itself from its peers.

How else do you begin a game like this except with the protagonist walking right up to the front door of the titular abode? You know, he just traipses up to it like he's about to knock several times before leaving a pamphlet that will automatically find its way into the trash when discovered. Anyway, the answer to the above question is this: have your protagonist spell out his motives right before entering the damned place. And what are those motives? He just wants to snoop because he heard the place is haunted.

You know what? I've been overthinking this “motive” thing in regards to cursed homes for years. I'm rarely sold on titles this one because I don't buy the protagonists' reasons for entering old, ghost-ridden places. “I want to find my friend's mirror.” “I have recurring nightmares about this house, which is exactly why I should enter it.” These are all awful reasons, and the characters have to know it. Our guy here, though? He just waltzes up to the doorstep and pretty much says, “I heard this place is haunted. Cool. I want to see a ghost.” And that's that. You can't argue with someone who knows what he's getting into, knows what he wants, and decides to go for it.

From the get-go, the demonically numbered domicile jumps right into well-worn territory with random blood splatters, dark hallways, locked doors, and flashing lights galore. You feel at times that you've snuck into a satanic discotheque, complete with hooded figures, candles, and bloody pentagra-

Wait? Are those six-pointed stars?



Yeah, as it turns out, House features numerous Stars of David painted in crimson on the floors. Apparently this is a Jewish chapter of the Cult of the Beast...

Anyway, your objective here is easy to figure out. You wander, sigh after you realize about a dozen or so of the doors are sealed and will never open, and eventually stumble upon a portal to a hellish dimension. There, you meet one of the story's antagonists: a creepy little girl who sometimes sings in an infernal voice and screams incessantly. You see her everywhere, usually standing still and staring at you ominously or lying in a bathtub filled with her own blood.

Granted, House may present a cavalcade of cliches, but it at least understands this genre's propensity for brutality. You enter the other world frequently throughout your search, finding it dripping with even more hemoglobin than any other part of the campaign, and frequently populated by irrationally placed saw blades. Worse, these digs tend to serve as the grounds upon which the little girl and her tormentor, a muscular demon, appear and chase the living hell out of you.



Typically, you find your way to the end of the strange realms, locate a key, and then unlock a door taking you to the next floor. Honestly, the game never presents you with complicated tasks or deep puzzles or anything. You merely soldier on, trying to find whatever part of the map the campaign expects you to visit next. Sadly, the game never warms up beyond that. Let's face it: you have fertile ground for a fun, not-so-serious horror adventure here. It's just missing the flesh and depth. Instead, we're stuck with an average 2D romp through a cult's living space, guiding a lead who looks like a Fisher Price figurine. None of the challenges that await you are all that challenging. You merely press onward and eventually find yourself at the next campaign beat.

And yet, I can't help but say, “Bless this little game.” You help put a ghost who's been brutally murdered to rest by simply placing flowers on her grave. You escape a powerful demon that does nothing more than walk in a straight line. You avoid numerous traps by exercising a modicum of caution, all while the house shakes, rattles, groans, and does everything it can to scare like an old-school vinyl record of Halloween sound effects.



Maybe that's why I dig this one so much. It's less of a proper attempt at crafting a frightening narrative and more of a piece of Halloween decoration. No one in their right mind is going to be frightened by a plaster statue of a skeletal cat found at Target or Wal-Mart for under $10. Yet, people buy the hell out of them and their ilk every year. It's not because they're sincere attempts at terror, but because they know how to have fun with a darker concept.

House Number 666 doesn't last very long, allowing you to walk away from the affair after only donating about half an hour. It's definitely not a great work by any stretch, but it also knows what kind of offering it is and doesn't try to be more. At the same time, I'm not going to fully commend a game that apparently set its bar low. I'm not going to award perfect marks to an app that set out to accomplish an underwhelming task and actually succeeded, even if it has now taken up a special place in my right atrium.

Staff review by Joseph Shaffer (October 15, 2023) Rumor has it that Joe is not actually a man, but a machine that likes video games, horror movies, and long walks on the beach. His/Its first contribution to HonestGamers was a review of Breath of Fire III.