Review Archives (All Reviews)

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	Technomage: Return to Eternity review (PSX) Reviewed on January 31, 2010 So, who has heard of Technomage? Admittedly, the very fact that you are reading this heavily suggests that you do, but you have to admit, this was a very quietly released game, made by the German company Sunflower. Again, not heard of them? It's okay, neither had I. So, an all but unheard of game, made by an all but unheard of company. This never bodes well.
	Joshua and the Battle of Jericho review (NES) Reviewed on January 30, 2010 Given Wisdom Tree's notoriety in retro circles, their take on the mediocre puzzler Crystal Mines should not have been any good. Yet while most of Wisdom Tree's games copied from other genres and forced Bibilical stuff in, most of Joshua's hundred levels create small stories so it doesn't feel like just an action puzzler. Though the puzzles are quite good too, as Joshua blasts around with his trumpet (how Jericho was destroyed, you know,) collecting five question blocks and adequate...
	Vandal Hearts: Flames of Judgment review (X360) Reviewed on January 30, 2010 On one level, Flames of Judgment proudly lives up to the original's standard. This Live Arcade release did bring me back down memory lane a few times. The problem is that it didn't do so for very long. The average turn-based strategy game I've played seems to have about 25-35 main quest battles. Here, there's about 15 or so.
	Half-Minute Hero review (PSP) Reviewed on January 29, 2010 Told in a generational sort of manner that's reminiscent of a more expanded Dragon Quest V, the plot in Half-Minute Hero won't win any awards for narrative originality. It obviously isn't trying to, either. Instead, it has fun rushing players through a laundry list of RPG cliches. The rapid-fire nature of plot twists prevents every 'surprise' from growing tiresome, even when you saw it coming whole seconds ahead of time, because you're constantly moving to a new location or task.
	Mass Effect 2 review (X360) Reviewed on January 28, 2010 Defending Mass Effect has never been easy, since the game’s unpolished mechanics, cumbersome driving segments and barren, repetitive environments form a strong case against it. The case against it is so strong, in fact, that I often have questioned my own enthusiastic evaluation of the game. So thank you, BioWare. Thank you for taking all of the criticism to heart, for fixing nearly everything that was wrong with the first game and for giving me a sequel for which I no longer need to make excuses. Mass Effect 2 is as extraordinary as its predecessor was, but it no longer needs justification. It really is that good.
	NCAA Football 09 All-Play review (WII) Reviewed on January 27, 2010 NCAA Football 09 for the Wii sports the All-Play gimmick that is supposed to help video game football newbies get acclimated to the game. However, the game is so poorly executed that it’s a bigger rip-off than the outrageous prices you pay for concessions and programs at sporting events. EA really fumbled the ball with the awkward controls and overall presentation, making the game virtually unplayable.
	Torchlight review (PC) Reviewed on January 27, 2010 To its credit, Torchlight is much more than just a cash-in on our nostalgia. As much as it is an homage to its diabolic predecessor, Torchlight easily stands on its own as a game. Rather than using those familiar Diablo elements as a crutch, it takes those elements and gives them just enough of a twist to make them fresh again.
	Bayonetta review (X360) Reviewed on January 24, 2010 The nimble and unusual lead character perfectly matches the fast-paced, responsive combat. Bayonetta features a blend of third-person melee and gunplay similar to Devil May Cry; sword slices are followed by pistol shots, although you're free to personalize your fighting style by attaching different weapons to each appendage. If you don't care for the sword-and-pistol combination, then use the whip to toss angels into the air, and blow them away with the Kilgore cannon!
	Death By Cube review (X360) Reviewed on January 24, 2010 You might call it a post-apocalyptic battlefield simulator, or a Geometry Wars clone or perhaps you'd even call it art. Certainly, the minimalist approach makes a case for that last descriptor. There's something beautiful about the simple way that the beautiful red oil splays across the screen, blood-like in its consistency. There's a subdued grace, too, as your robot glides over the desolate grid that makes up his world's landscape. There's even a certain emotional element driving his quest to set things right in a world he finds so different from the one that he once knew.
	Bayonetta review (X360) Reviewed on January 24, 2010 At first, I was concerned about getting into Bayonetta, due to my "experience" with the Devil May Cry series. Now, as of this writing, I've only completed Devil May Cry 1 and played the Devil May Cry 4 demo, and I was terrible with both. In DMC1, I was dying at least... a million times in every chapter, and in the DMC4 demo, the boss killed me. I didn't think the boss death was bad at first, until a DMC expert I knew told me it was an extremely easy boss to kill. So, with those two wonder...
	Lady Tut review (APP2) Reviewed on January 23, 2010 I believe Lady Tut is the first game I ever solved, and it was worth it. Three-level deals that wiped me out with a roided-up version of the first level after one loop don't count. Neither do games that repeat at the highest difficulty. LT is a series of nine mazes with exotic monsters and turnstile doors that flip ninety degrees so you can alter the maze. Pick up one key and open a lock to the next level--or, later, go get another key way on the other side of the maze, to open the SECOND...
	Snack Attack review (APP2) Reviewed on January 23, 2010 Too many dot-maze games risked little in aping Pac-Man. Snack Attack commendably bent dots-in-maze conventions to bizarre and individual effect. Its three-level loop featured garish orange walls, gumdrops worth one (green) or two (red) points, a wind-up noise to start things, and a stupidly smiling pumpkin that appeared at random intervals in the center. The screen top flashed WRONG at those who dared breach the EDL; axis of moving. So wonderfully childish, and my first concern troll, too...
	Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles - The Crystal Bearers review (WII) Reviewed on January 23, 2010 The magic is gone. It vanished over a thousand years ago, when the Yuke Tribe lost the war and was wiped off the face of the planet. With no one around to cast spells or summon monsters, technology took center stage. Civilization has progressed from a bunch of warring factions into bustling cities and decadent kingdoms. Swords are nothing more than relics; even the lowliest of soldiers carries a rifle. Even the chocobos, those iconic beasts of the Final Fantasy universe, are outpaced by a...
	Type Attack review (APP2) Reviewed on January 23, 2010 Space Invaders was the first game I got tired of on my 2600. Even zapping the lowest enemies got easy. I learned the 112 different games were just a few options. Type Attack replaces zapping aliens with letters, then words, as they invade. A curtain comes down if too many escape. I learned to touch type quickly to break the high score list.
	Borderlands review (X360) Reviewed on January 23, 2010 I’ve only ever played Borderlands cooperatively, so I can’t really comment on how it holds up as a solo experience. I’ve heard mixed things – some say it’s fine, while others think it’s boring as hell. Maybe it is; maybe if you’re thinking about investing in Borderlands but won’t have anyone to play it with, you should reconsider. It’s not in my place to say. Usually, that alone would instantly doom the game’s chances of reaching greatness, because I’ve always said that multiplayer...
	Bakugan: Battle Brawlers review (X360) Reviewed on January 23, 2010 Bakugan: Battle Brawlers manages to accomplish more than expected from a licensed product. It injects life into the game by taking normally mundane aspects, like throwing the Bakugan, and making them a focal point. By daring to reshuffle the game's fundamentals, Battle Brawlers is transformed into a more interactive experience.
	The Treasures of Montezuma 2 review (PC) Reviewed on January 21, 2010 You'll likely spend most of your time in said Adventure mode, both because you're initially compelled to do so and because the developers were wise enough to include rewards for working your way through its individual stages. Each success in that mode results in some in-game currency that you can use to purchase upgrades as you progress through the subsequent stages, ensuring that you have reason to keep playing at least for the first 10 hours or so. Once purchased, the upgrades activate if you manage to clear certain icons from the board, or if you eliminate pieces from the same color twice in a row.
	Castlevania: Symphony of the Night review (PS3) Reviewed on January 19, 2010 I can almost hear the speech Koji Igarashi gave when he pitched Castlevania: Symphony of the Night to his staff (imagine the following being spoken in Japanese):
	Wedding Dash review (DS) Reviewed on January 19, 2010 The problem is that everyone is different. Betty is a snotty rich woman, so no one wants to sit next to her. Chloe, on the other hand, is so popular that all the other guests want to be with her. Chuck is impatient and wants to chow down as soon as he arrives. If you don’t keep track of someone’s demands, they’ll eventually get angry and start docking points from your overall score. Not only do you have to keep the guests satisfied, but you’ll also have to deal with several other hazards as well. Weddings make Aunt Ethel go into tearful hysterics, so you’ll have to keep her from going berserk. Same goes with Uncle Ernie, who loves getting drunk and making an ass out of himself.
	Star Wars: The Force Unleashed - Ultimate Sith Edition review (PC) Reviewed on January 17, 2010 It's hard enough dealing with an action game that switches into "surprise bullet time" at the drop of a hat, yet the game's shockingly sluggish performance is far from its only problem. Graphical glitches abound, ranging from the merely annoying to outright show-stoppers. Doors, computer consoles and other objects will occasionally flicker or disappear outright, although they remain solid enough to impede the player's movement. More seriously, in one instance a platform I was required to move with my Force powers also went missing, leaving me unable to progress through the game until, after several futile, frustrating minutes and a quick Google to make sure I wasn't completely off-base about what I was supposed to be doing, I exited and restarted the game.

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