Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Pokemon Snap review (N64) Reviewed on January 15, 2004 Why does Nintendo do the things that they do? Seriously, sometimes it just really bothers me. When fans were calling for a 3D Pokemon RPG of epic scale like The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Nintendo responded that they did have Pokemon games in the works for the Nintendo 64. Firstly, they had Pokemon Stadium, which took arguably the worst part of Pokemon, battling, made you do it over and over again, all for nothing, since you couldn't level up your Pokemon and transfer them b...
	Dino Crisis review (PSX) Reviewed on January 15, 2004 Capcom claims to be the best in the business at creating survival horror games. It's true that they have made some very good survival horror games over the years in the Resident Evil franchise, however many people simply didn't care for the games or only liked a couple of them. Fearing that their franchise would grow stale and they'd lose a major money maker, Capcom set out to diversify its survival horror business. The result of the attempted diversification was Dino Crisis, a gam...
	Grandia II review (DC) Reviewed on January 15, 2004 The strong silent type, the kid on the run, the boy attempting to become a man -- all stereotypical character roles for RPG heroes not found in Game Art's Grandia II. Instead, you're treated to a foul-mouthed lead character, a talking bird, a naive Nun with a demon inside of her, a wise barbarian, and a delightful android, all trying to save the world while trying to get along with each other. Grandia II features a strong cast in a solid story, featuring a phenomenal battle ...
	Mega Man review (NES) Reviewed on January 15, 2004 Mega Man has always been one of the stranger names in video gaming. Just about any Mega Man game that is released is bound to sell a lot of copies. Yet, you don't see a bunch of Mega Man fanboys out there, especially compared to Mario, and Square. Perhaps this is because Mega Man has never been particularly loyal to any system, or company. Mega Man currently has a game on the PS2, and the Gamecube. As well as tons on the GBA. Mega Man checked in for both the N64, and PS, and had games on the SNE...
	Gun.Smoke review (NES) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Against the blistering heat of a sun that refuses to set he stands, a gunslinger so intent on his life's purpose that he does not have time for such dalliances as a mistress or a name. The desert winds have carried this weary wanderer and his noble steed to a dry gulch called Hicksville, where the citizens fear for their safety and scurry to their houses at the very mention of the Wingates, a gang of ne'er-do-wells who think nothing of violence and get their jollies off of harassing the defensel...
	Golden Axe review (GEN) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 It seems as if some nefarious evildoing knave by the name of Death Adder (how corny is THAT name) has stolen a Golden Axe. The Golden Axe isn't a weapon you get to use or anything, it's just the sacred artifact that needs rescuing, in place of your girlfriend or sensei. As such, it's rather difficult to care about your quest. I mean, if my girl was kidnapped, I'd be quite riled up and ready to choke a few throats, but the disappearance of a kitchen knife or toolshed mainstay doesn't get me going.
	Gaiares review (GEN) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 I have seen evidence of reviews, ‘professional’ or otherwise, where the reviewer seems not to have been able to get into the belly of the game, and writes of early passages in an attempt to skirt the issue of his superficial foray. It probably works, because many fans who own the game haven’t seen the horizons beyond level four either.
	Alone in the Dark 2 review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 AITD2’s Carnby is the hardest individual you’ll come across. He’ll fight off ghouls, ghosts, and pirates dressed as gangsters (stop hunting for a typo, it’s true) with Tommy guns, a derringer, a sword stick, frying pan, battledore or his bare hands. Consider his attitude: he knows going in that there will be thugs everywhere on the property, to thwart his rescue attempt. But he still chooses to bring only his trusty six-shot revolver, and nothing else! No ammunition for it, save what is in the chamber. Yes indeed, Edward Carnby is as tough as they come, and that means you had better be as well.
	Alone in the Dark review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 AITD is far more fun to play than the flashy and fleshy games it has spawned over the years. The Resident Evils, the Silent Hills, and even the new incarnation of Carnby's adventures, all fall short of the fun and fear factors that the original manages to evoke.
	System Shock 2 review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 In System Shock 2, an alien intelligence-cum-virus known as Xerxes, begins to mutate your human comrades aboard the ship, the Von Braun, attempting to degrade them into pawns of the growing alien consciousness known as The Many. You will be met with force by aberrant versions of former friends (from shotgun wielding males to laser firing females), robots, giant spiders, and the truly gruesome organic abominations of The Many that appear at the game's awe-inspiring culmination.
	Noctropolis review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Let me help you out. If you're checking this game out for the adult/sex factor, don't even bother. Succubus shows us nothing, and Stiletto shows us her breasts for like, two seconds. They're a rather nice set, granted, but you'd be better staying up and watching Porkys, or Fast Times at Ridgemont High for this kind of one-handed material. At least Fast Times had Phoebe Cates. And you can't beat Phoebe Cates for old time gratuitous nudity.
	Rise of the Triad: Dark War review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Much of RotT isn't very memorable or special, which is something a game like this needs to be distinctive in a crowded FPS market, both at the time of its release, AND now. Fat monks and good graphics from far and close up graphics that are far from good isn't quite enough. Thankfully, there are great moments that help raise this game above the level of mediocrity, if only slightly. Well, only one great moment, really.
	Jill of the Jungle review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Our protagonist, Jill, is an Amazon woman-type (girl power!), clad in a skimpy green outfit (guy power!). She's blonde (naturally) and brawny, and depending on what you choose to do with her, brainy as well. She can jump, climb ladders and vines, and can fling knives and spinning blades should she be so lucky to find them and so equip herself. But wait. Keep that quickening pulse in check!
	Hocus Pocus Episode 1: Time Tripping review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 The Land of Lattice is overseen by the Council of Wizards, a ruling body with great power and prestige, which you'd like to be part of one day. Fueling your resolve to this end is the matter of Popopa. That's your girlfriend (as if you didn't know!), and you'd like to marry her (Hocus! I implore you to reconsider! Why risk having your powers split down the middle when things inevitably go wrong!).
	Dark Ages Episode 1: Prince of Destiny review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 It will help if you’re already a fan of side-scrolling adventure games. If you can’t do without your Rastan, or your Legendary Axe, you will already be predisposed to having some fun with this little game. Your character is nameless, presumably so that you can think of him as yourself. Perhaps they should have left the bad guy nameless as well—his name is Garth. I doubt they were going for ''Garth Brooks''—maybe ''Garth Vader.''
	Commander Keen Episode I: Marooned on Mars review (PC) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Billy Blaze is eight years old. And he's a genius. He's constructed what he calls a 'beans and bacon' spacecraft from miscellaneous slop he unearthed around his parents' house. When he dons his big brother's yellow football helmet and carries along with him his trusty pogo-stick, we know it is nighttime (got to make sure the folks are asleep, after all), and that he's heading to outer space. We know he is blazing trails of interstellar discovery and aggressive peacekeeping endeavors. We know he has become... Commander Keen!
	Bonk's Revenge review (TG16) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Bonk’s Revenge is certainly not as charming and original as the first game, due in large part to the aforementioned omission of the ‘friend philosophy’. No longer are the bosses your hypnotized friends that you must get to ‘snap out of it’ with a few raps to the noggin. Now the bosses are just bad guys, and that’s too bad.
	Blazing Lazers review (TG16) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Gunhed. It’s quite possibly the coolest name for a vertical shooter ‘starfighter’. Gentlemen, you have to admit it's cool: it has the words 'gun' AND 'hed' in it. And that is only fitting, as this game (known to you and I as Blazing Lazers) is possibly the coolest game the genre has ever seen.
	Galactic Attack review (SAT) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Not too many games are this privileged. After all, Taito’s vertically scrolling shoot 'em up has three names. It was released in Japan’s arcades as Rayforce, ported home to Japanese Saturns as Layer Section, and finally arrived on North American Saturns as Galactic Attack (yes, we got the crummy name, as is the case more often than not).
	Xevious 3D/G+ review (PSX) Reviewed on January 14, 2004 Soon your Solvalou is bothered by a sparse, but pretty snowfall, as you cruise like a bird of prey, firing either your spread, beam, or lock-on lasers (the red lock-on laser looks very cool, but regrettably isn’t very powerful), above enemies afloat on massive glaciers. Take off into outer space, and face a boss whose core is embedded in the dark face of an asteroid. You get to enter a space station with narrow, twisting, changing passages. A quick foray outside, and it’s back indoors, into the skeletal frame of the station, you playing Luke Skywalker to the station’s Death Star.

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