Review Archives (All Reviews)

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Available Reviews
	Street Fighter review (ARC) Reviewed on December 15, 2003 That guy in the first player slot with red hair, jerking about as if frames of animation are missing, is Ryu. You might recognize him; his hair has gotten darker with age and he has since doffed the ruby red slippers he wears in this incarnation. The blonde guy occupying the spot opposite his Japanese counterpart is the barefooted Ken. He seems to have gotten prettier with age, which is a good thing, because he’s ugly as sin in this game. (Perhaps the Masters Corporation was on the cusp of multibillion dollar success, allowing young Ken to later go under the knife.) These are the only two characters you can select from.
	Snow Bros. review (ARC) Reviewed on December 15, 2003 Nick and Tom are snowmen. They wear little hats on the backs of their heads, and are dressed down, trailer park style in overalls, with no shirts. The two always smiling wonders have a daunting task on their plates - no less than 50 levels of one-screen-at-a-time action demands conquering, and the monsters patrolling each one-level screen or 'floor', have only one mission in life, and that's snowman homicide.
	R-Type Leo review (ARC) Reviewed on December 15, 2003 When you play the first few levels, your hardened fan’s heart will melt with the realization that this is the sort of simple genius that makes for excellent shooting, and is deserving of its own sequel, or series. Under another moniker, Leo may have flourished, but it found itself in limbo during the shooter supply and demand pipeline between IREM and their fans. An excellent game they got - the game they wanted, they did not.
	Rezon review (ARC) Reviewed on December 15, 2003 The people at Alhummer were some evil, sadistic sons of bitches. I can’t stress this enough. They weren’t so creative, but they were cold and calculating. Consider this: they took Irem’s arcade, horizontal shooter hit, R-Type, and absolutely, positively ripped it off. But that was only the beginning. I mean, we’ve seen R-Type clones before. But Rezon takes the cloning process to a whole other level.
	Magician Lord review (NEO) Reviewed on December 14, 2003 Begin as blue-clad Elta in the Dale of Evil Gods, and descend the very rungs of the ladder of hell to recover the Eight Books of Wisdom from the God of Destruction, Az Atorse. Magician Lord is dead serious, and if you don't believe me, simply witness the names of places and enemies. Travel the Corridor Leading to Hell and wreak havoc on the parapets of the Castle of Devils, taking on guardians like Beautiful Assassin, and bosses like Hell's Creation (the guardians guard the bosses lairs) on the fiery eight-stage path to the final showdown.
	Pulstar review (NEO) Reviewed on December 14, 2003 The legend goes this way: a handful of surly IREM expatriates fled the unimaginative rut they were in to explore greener pastures. They were unhappy with the way R-Type II turned out - it was simply more of the same. They wanted to up the ante, and create their vision of a true follow up to the perennial quarter-muncher. A sort of Super R-Type, to borrow a name. That game is Pulstar.
	Maze Craze: A Game of Cops And Robbers review (A2600) Reviewed on December 14, 2003 Maze Craze. That's something I've never had. I've never been a big fan of mazes in video games, especially the ones that are timed. It's too easy to get lost, and many are hard enough to have you pulling out enough of your hair to detect a growing bald spot within minutes.
	Last Resort review (NEO) Reviewed on December 13, 2003 If you’ve played R-Type - the perennial arcade side-scrolling space shooter - and you didn’t like it, you will hate Last Resort It’s that simple. You will hate it for its extreme difficulty, you will hate it for its unforgivable 'back you go to the last checkpoint 10 minutes ago' attitude.
	Donkey Kong Junior review (CVN) Reviewed on December 13, 2003 While the perennial favourite, Donkey Kong, had a little red-capped, thick-mustached plumber leaping barrels sent careening his way by the big guy himself, Donkey Kong Jr changes things up completely. Now Mario is exacting some measure of revenge, somehow managing to capture the big ape and chain him up (any self-respecting PETA member's alarm bells would go off if they saw young Jimmy having a go at this).
	Super Street Fighter II Turbo review (3DO) Reviewed on December 13, 2003 Panasonic should thank their lucky stars (well, not so lucky) that Capcom allowed their favourite sons, Ken and Ryu to play on the 3DO's abandoned, decrepit property. Super Street Fighter II Turbo (SSFIIT) remains one of the few bright spots in the dark annals of the now defunct system's lifespan. Unless you absolutely abhor one on one fighting contests, this game is a must have for the 3DO owner.
	Out of This World review (3DO) Reviewed on December 13, 2003 Imagine being in another world, totally different than this Earth - blue and purple-shadowed, otherworldly and brimming with sudden violence. Anthropoid beasts brood in black uniforms, walking the sunless earth, their faces telling of the grey atmosphere with matted, chalky complexions. Black as death are the animals they keep, resembling bulls, charging about when not kept in check. Lasers crisscross your panorama from the weapons of their two-legged masters, while their proud stone edifices and buildings push up from the ground like crooked fingers.
	Gals Panic review (ARC) Reviewed on December 13, 2003 Your goal here is to move your icon around the square-shaped stage. You can move wherever you like so long as you like and not have to worry about dying. The minute you start drawing a line, though, you're vulnerable to attacks. Enemies are moving about along with you, and if they hit you while you're drawing, or shape you're drawing that you haven't completed, you lose a life.
	Mario Bros. review (APP2) Reviewed on December 12, 2003 There are new elements from one set of stages to the next. In the early areas, your enemies are turtles. Those fellows fall easily to your bumping technique. However, as you'll soon face the lobsters (they take two hits to disorient), the flies (they bounce about) and even natural hazards such as ice monsters that freeze ledges and the icicles that like to break loose and fall on your head from time to time.
	Side Arms review (TG16) Reviewed on December 11, 2003 Rather than the collection of illegal weapons you thought you would find piled on the counter when you asked for it, Side Arms is a side-scrolling shooting game from Capcom. Radiance Software ported the game over to the Turbografx-16 in a historical move; it was the Turbo’s first third party release.
	TV Sports Hockey review (TG16) Reviewed on December 10, 2003 As the Turbografx-16 goes, surely Cinemaware has reached rock bottom with this, the third and final TV Sports release (I don't believe TV Sports Baseball was ever released). This is possibly the worst sports game I have ever played, and certainly the worst hockey game.
	Victory Run review (TG16) Reviewed on December 10, 2003 This game, one of the few racers released for the Turbografx-16, chronicles the Paris to Dakar rally. The strains on mind, body and vehicle alike are enormous, and Victory Run is relentless. The game makes you feel the vehicle's emotions as it were. When you're going good, the immense metallic frame glides along aided by smooth suspension and both you and your vehicle are smiling. When you're not, the piece of junk struggles along, suspension twisted, tires bald, gears grinding.
	Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga review (GBA) Reviewed on December 10, 2003 For years, the taller of the brothers Mario has been getting the short end of the stick. He's had a few starring roles over the past decade, but honestly, when was the last time you played Mario is Missing? Was there ever a first time? My point exactly. More recently, he relieved a mansion of its ghost infestation problem, but not out of any inherent sense of heroism like the one his brother has. For God's sake, he was shaking like the last leaf on a tree in autumn the whole time! Now tho...
	Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition review (PC) Reviewed on December 10, 2003 Do you have any friends? Well, do you? If the answer to this dubious and revealing question is 'yes', then you simply cannot do without playing Unreal Tournament. But I am not good at First Person Shooter games! You whine, clearly unimpressed (and most likely hiding your negative response to the first question!). To this I say, it doesn't matter! like The Rock before he hung up his spandex briefs.
	Wolfenstein 3D review (PC) Reviewed on December 10, 2003 The German voices are probably the biggest aural highlight (achtung baby!), and the dogs certainly represent the most impressive show of the games graphics. Human enemies are large and menacing, but they have a squashed look to them that makes us take the whole thing less seriously than we should. It's as if the cast of River City Ransom was dropped into a pseudo 3D environment and given guns and awkward accents.
	Raptor review (PC) Reviewed on December 10, 2003 Raptor uses a vitality bar, so beginners won’t be intimidated as they would be by an R-Type-ish one hit wonder. That vitality bar can be extended if you’ve got enough money. Money can’t buy you love, but life - now there’s a perfectly reasonable investment.

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