Review Archives (Staff Reviews)
You are currently looking through staff reviews for games that are available on every platform the site currently covers. Below, you will find reviews written by all eligible authors and sorted according to date of submission, with the newest content displaying first. As many as 20 results will display per page. If you would like to try a search with different parameters, specify them below and submit a new search.
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Phelios review (GEN)Reviewed on December 15, 2006Artemis looks and acts much like your standard damsel in distress with her long blond hair and scant clothing barely covering her SWEET rack as she begs for Apollo to remember their time together and come save her. Well, while that was all I needed to see before leaping into action, according to the actual legends, Artemis was more of a butt-kicking tomboy type who likely was a role model for young Greek lesbians. |
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Luxor: The Wrath of Set review (PSP)Reviewed on December 13, 2006In Luxor, you are a warmongering scarab out to destroy all the other scarabs before they can push a bunch of multi-coloured balls into a nearby pyramid. I guess these balls are bombs or something, because if even one makes it into the pyramid, YOU LOSE. |
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Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin review (DS)Reviewed on December 12, 2006Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin is as rewarding an experience as the series is likely to ever provide. It’s huge, it’s fun and it’s devious in all the right amounts. I can think of only two flaws: nothing here feels overwhelmingly new compared to previous installments, and sometimes you have to wander around breaking apart too many candlesticks for gold because healing items and accessories are so expensive. |
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Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 review (X360)Reviewed on December 11, 2006Although I could whine about DOAX2's more challenging (but still fair) version of volleyball, the marina race is far, far better than volleyball ever was. There are a lot of courses — more are unlocked after a first-place finish — and the aquatic atmosphere provides a relaxing counterbalance to the adrenaline of high-speed battle. Even after mastering the basic course layout, there's still the "flag" system used to earn turbo boosts, the stunt system which lets me pull off some crazy flips, and the fair but persistent opposition. |
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Gears of War review (X360)Reviewed on December 08, 2006You'll be surprised how much you can do with so little buttons. Take control of Marcus Fenix, and marvel at how easy it is to throw him around the battlefield. Within minutes, you'll have him hurling himself behind cover, popping around the sides to take shots at any available targets and even reaching over his protective barrier to fire blindly at any foe foolish enough to charge him. You'll have him diving from one safe haven to the next, sniping around corners to bull-rush unprepared Locust and hurling spike-encrusted sling-shot-inspired grenades right down their scaly little throats. |
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Cartoon Network Racing review (PS2)Reviewed on December 05, 2006There are a few problems with Cartoon Network Racing, all somewhat typical of hastily-designed games within the genre. The first of these is a tendency to rely on items rather than good courses to provide the bulk of your experience. That translates to a lot of frantic rocket firing and oil slicks. At first, it’s kind of fun. It quickly grows tiresome, however, when you spend half your time spinning cookies after rebounding from an attack you couldn’t avoid. |
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Capcom Classics Collection Vol. 2 review (PS2)Reviewed on December 05, 2006Basically, the games here are the lion’s share of memorable titles you might have missed from the first collection. There’s no Ghouls ‘n Ghosts here, because that was already done. There’s no Trojan or Final Fight for the same reason. What you get instead are a collection of brawlers and shooters, along with Strider and Super Street Fighter II Turbo to round things out. |
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Online Chess Kingdoms review (PSP)Reviewed on December 04, 2006Sometimes you play your best and the computer does the same and when all is said and done, you’ve won. The congratulatory screen comes and goes like it should. Then the next match is another inexplicable stalemate, or the disc freezes again. You just never know with this game, which is frustrating because of all the things does right. |
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Naruto: Uzumaki Chronicles review (PS2)Reviewed on December 04, 2006After Uzumaki Chronicles has done its best to drive all but the most diehard Naruto fans away, it actually gets interesting. Strong recurring villains appear, a dire plot involving genetic manipulation is unveiled, and Naruto's friends are consistently thrust into dire peril. |
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Master of Weapon review (GEN)Reviewed on December 03, 2006If that didn't make things easy enough, then reveal in the hailstorm of power-ups that drip from the screen every time you manage to shoot down one of the many lime-green penile-shaped ships that explode upon the merest of bullet grazes. These power-ups will literally outnumber enemy projectiles and offer you the substandard upgrades such as making your standard laser suddenly fire in double or triple spread shots. |
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Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends review (GBA)Reviewed on December 02, 2006Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends is rather large, a few winding staircases stacked on top of one another with doorways that connect to long hallways and still more doors. At first, it’s easy to get lost in all the options, and it’s only by the end of the game that you’re likely to know your way around the building. That’s because by then, you will have wandered rather aimlessly about for hours on end, grabbing little trinkets and starting to wonder why things have to be so monotonous. |
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Dance Dance Revolution: Ultramix 4 review (XBX)Reviewed on December 02, 2006Ultramix 4 features a variety of interesting step charts that sync well to the background music, and while few stages are difficult enough to challenge those who have mastered the hardest songs in past DDR releases, beginners and intermediate-level players will find a lot to like here. |
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Lumines II review (PSP)Reviewed on December 02, 2006For each moment where you’re groaning as things pile so high that you don’t stand a chance, you’ll find moments where you sneak that piece in place just in time and watch a combo clear half the screen out of your way. Playing a single round for very long is difficult when you’re new, but there are definite rewards if you take the time to get better. Only by surviving a good long while can you hear all of the music and unlock the available skins. |
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Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic review (XBX)Reviewed on November 30, 2006A lesson in morality. Plus lightsabers. |
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Tony Hawk's Project 8 review (X360)Reviewed on November 27, 2006It’s definitely nice to see the franchise returning somewhat to its roots. The humor is more reminiscent of Ollie the Magic Bum than it is the days when Bam Magera terrorized the gameplay (though his fans will be happy to know that he is here again). Another change I loved is the lack of an enforced tutorial mode. |
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Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner - Raidou Kuzunoha vs. the Soulless Army review (PS2)Reviewed on November 24, 2006While the plot does have the standard SMT flair for the dramatic, with various factions vying for control of Japan by whatever means they feel to be necessary, Devil Summoner doesn’t take place in a world that’s already been purged of virtually all forms of civilized life. |
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Wii Sports review (WII)Reviewed on November 24, 2006Wii Sports isn’t really a game. It’s a tech demo disguised by artwork that makes you think you’re playing five different sports—bowling, tennis, boxing, baseball and golf—but all you’re really doing is swinging your Wii Remote this way or that and convincing yourself that you’re having fun. |
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Call of Duty 3 review (X360)Reviewed on November 24, 2006Unlike its predecessor, I can’t remember many dramatic, pivotal battles from Call of Duty 3. This time, instead of dipping in and out of the war, you take part in the Normandy Breakout. CoD 3 attempts to involve you in this extended conflict by using lengthy cut-scenes to push forward its story. I still don’t care about the names, though! I would’ve rather listened to a History Channel interlude on the state of the battle than a Scottish SAS man insult a French resistant fighter. Save the heroes and villains for Spielberg, Treyarch. |
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Final Fantasy XII review (PS2)Reviewed on November 23, 2006Final Fantasy XII was an unusual experience. At first, I hated it. After trudging through several hours of playtime, I learned to tolerate it. Eventually, I came to enjoy it. This wasn't a fast process — were it entirely up to me, I'd have stopped playing early on. |
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Rampage: Total Destruction review (WII)Reviewed on November 22, 2006Stomping down a building isn’t a simple matter of pressing a button; you have to operate the Wii Remote like you might a hammer. That’s fun for a minute or two, and then you realize that just waving your arm up and down to keep doing the same thing mashing a button might have done isn’t particularly fun. Nor is whirling it around in a circle a hundred times, for that matter. |
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